Everything I Have...

(Originally Sept 7 2005)

...Causes me grief. Everything. There isn't anything I have, that is in my life, that I call mine, that does NOT cause me some kind of grief.

Case in point;

I just threw my cellphone into the air and let it careen of several surfaces until it landed on the floor behind my desk. This I did with great restraint. Because what I wanted to do with it was pitch it directly into a wall as fast as I could, and let the metal shards scatter.

Why?

Well because it's service has been interrupted.

Why?

Well, despite making two payments last month, the balance continues to be in the hundreds. I have a 400 minute a month plan. I took it, gladly, knowing that I don't use that phone so often, so surely I wouldn't go over that amount.

Then The Hard Times came, so I had to miss a few payments. And like all the other bills I skip, the amount mounts and mounts, and I start chipping away at it with a bunch of money that I haven't spent on candy, food, transportation, or comic books. Pretty nice system, right? And when my service has been shut off in the past, I've given the minimum amount over the phone through an automatic debit and got the service restored, and then just stopped worrying about the lack of money I continued to suffer until the next shutoff. Okay, well, THIS time, I closed my bank account, so I have no instant debit system. Also, I was throwing my money at cable, as well as the phone, to try to get current on those.

So.

When the phone gets shut off this time, I look into exactly WHY. I go online, for the first time in ... well... EVER... to see why my phone bill is so high.

And I discover.

Every time I checked my voice mail, THOSE were minutes against my 400/month. Yes. YOU may have known this. But *I* did not. Why didn't I know? I DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T KNOW!

Maybe because I'm just a retard. Maybe because I'm the worlds worse money manager. Maybe because I'm immature and useless as an adult. Maybe because I shouldn't be alive anymore. I don't KNOW why--I just know that IT IS and that this is yet just ONE MORE THING in my adult life that has come back to bite me not just ON the butt, but all the way through it.

I only know one thing right now...I need to make a lot of money on the regular. That way, I'll be able to afford these THINGS that happen to me. These obviously normal, everyday, adult THINGS which all normal adults pay for everyday, without blinking an eye or sacrificing their pet luxuries, such as food.

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life right now.