Bitter, Bitter, and Some Sweet

So night before last I had a beast of a dream. I was a part of an outing, kind of a sponsored bus trip, to some kind of mall outlet wonderworld. Like The Mall Of America. I must have gone with The Church because I was feeling like an utter stranger among people that I knew. People were all talking amongst themselves but not to me. I had taken up a familiar role of the weird kid.

There was a suspended cable ride through the Mall, like a ski lift, designed for two people, and while everyone paired off, I took my ride alone.

When we all got off the ride, Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston were having a small tiff about something that I couldn't quite hear. We were all trying to get some food from McDonalds when Jennifer left us and sat off by herself, with Courtney sitting on the same low wall as she, but quite a few feet away. They both looked so upset.

Then one of the kids our group told me what was going on. They had argued over me. Courtney already was married, but she was trying to convince Jennifer that I wasn't that bad. And just as her viewpoint was given by this snoopy little groupmember, Jennifer felt the need to defend herself. So she called above the crowd back to the snoop and to me, "Well maybe he wouldn't be so bad if he didn't have that sweaty, bald head and those ... black pants!" And when she said this, it caused our peers to laugh. Courtney came to my defense though and chased her yelled statement with "Well, I like you, Alan!"

My heart broke. I knew I could count on Courtney because she had always been my Friend. But I really loved Jennifer and had run out of ways to try to get her to notice me. And while Courtney was beautiful and supportive, she's MARRIED. It's always the beautiful, spoken-for ladies who makes you wish they weren't, ain't it? And the beautiful ones who never want you either?

So I got mad. I said something cruel to the kid who busted Jennifer's info on me, and then I got mad at everyone else. For always making me the stranger. Always making me feel like I should feel bad for imposing my weird self on the normals.

So in that instance I said to myself "Eff ALL of you." And without a glance back, I spread my arms, took a few steps, and took to the sky. I flew away from them all and didn't care what the consequences were going to be.

Then I woke up.

These Damn Dreams!

Okay, so last night I'm hanging out with MFTD in my dream. We're on our way to a church service back in our old church. It's a part of the "reconcile with my past" program that I've been on ever since I had lunch with my Former Father Figure. Even though MFTD has WAY more problems with my old church than I do (mind you I gave more years of my life to it than he did, and he came away from the whole experience with a doctorate and a wife, and ultimately, the most ass-kickingest house and mancave known to geekdom), still there he was in my dream, coming along with me to see our former brethren and sistren, and our Former Pastor.

So in we go, and who do we see first? Sister Whoopindiddle and Her Daughters. One of her daughters is my age and I thought about getting with her in times past, but she never really appealed to me on any level. Of all the girls I had dated and been engaged to, none of them were in this family.

Until now. Yes, in this dream, the girl I was engaged to was Sister Whoopindiddle's daughter too. And as it turned out, I remembered as I saw her and her family, that I was supposed to have been there at the church the day before. Because that was our wedding day. And as I stood there realizing that, "oh yeah, that's right! Our wedding date was yesterday, wasn't it--? CLANG!! Whoopindiddle Jr. clouts me in the back of the head with a frying pan. She and her mother and other sisters (not my fiancee, however. I had devastated her too badly to have been there) began to tell me what a horrible person I was to have left their loved one stranded at the altar. And yes, I had to agree with them, but it was an honest mistake. And too, that isht hurt my head! Just because I did that didn't mean Whoopindiddle Jr. had the right to strike me! And in the dream, it was one of those sensations where you know some damage was done. I felt the impact, the jolt of my senses, and the throb of bonedeep pain, without the actual pain. Kind of like the dream was sending me every signal that there was damage except the pain that would have made me call 911 for real.

In the dream, I tried to make the best of the situation, because again, I felt that what I had done wasn't THAT bad. I mean, no one called me the day before, did they? And I was there now, wasn't I? I hadn't abandoned her forever? I just forgot a date. What's the big?

But they weren't having it. Not even MFTD. He was all like, "No, dude, this was bad."

So in a flash, I said "FUC& IT!" and threw a bag of frozen veg mix (you know, the peas, corn, and carrot cubes that have that pretty color scheme?) into a credenza for a nice glass-shattering finale, and stormed out. I left MFTD with the Whoopindiddles and sped off. I was leaving them for good. All my attempts to reconcile with my past, all thoughts of meeting with my Former Pastor, MFTD and his perfect life, and religion--everything. I was deciding that I no longer owed anyone anything. I decided that it was time to live for myself.

Oh I was PISSED.

Then I woke up.

And I don't still have those feelings. I don't want to leave it all behind. I just don't want to be punished for my mistakes anymore.

Dream analysts, go for it.

These Dreams

(Originally Nov 23 2005)

I just woke up from a vivid dream where I was my Alter Ego.
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I'm sure playing CoH yesterday for eight hours had something to do with it. I love the game so much I didn't get enough.

I should have gone into the city yesterday for church but it was cold and grey and raining. I worry that the the rejection letter I recieved from the church's counseling department might also have something to do with it. They are having a hiring freeze. I do hope that isn't a lie--after all, they are a church. And if it isn't a lie, how close was that! I almost got hired by a church! That would've been AWESOME.

So last night, in my dream, Professor X was piloting the X-Jet with us X-Men in it. I was New Mutant. Patrick Stewart was in the role. He had some kind of seizure and began to crash the jet. The other X-Men got out but Prof X went down with the plane.

My Alter has the power of kinetics. That is, he can sling energy around--take it from people, give it to others, heal with it, shoot villains with it, use it to bounce himself insane distances, or bounce others for away from him. With some type of combination of our powers, we helped the Professor crash the jet somewhat safely--it was a loud, exciting ride which saw the thing plowed up into a house on the Long Island shore.

I, for some reason, was the first and only person on the scene to see if the Professor was okay--I bounced to the scene faster than the others could reach. I supposed the others were in contact with me through headsets or something. The Prof. was okay. He didn't know what had happened to him and was kind of embarassed. In the house no one was hurt. There was an old woman who had escaped her bed, and her mother poodle with its four chubby puppies. A black one, a red one, a grey one, and a white one. While I was marvelling that the house's occupants were alive, the Prof. walked to the bathroom to check himself out. Just then I realized and brought it to his attention.

"Professor? Why can you walk?"

He looked down at his legs and smiled, again embarassed. "I don't know."

I remember in the dream that Patrick Stewart had strange teeth. They were different from his normal strange ones. Patrick, in my mind, does not have Americanly big teeth. They seem small and he has gaps. But he became a sex symbol in the 90's because of his commanding presence and bald head. In the dream, I remember acting like some schoolgirl with a crush. When the professor discovered he could walk, I scrunched up my hands against my face and squeee'd.

I had said, "Well, I won't tell anyone, but you know...it's going to become kind of apparent..."

Then I woke up.