When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Fool Me Once ...

(Originally 3/11/07)

So Match.com keeps sending me profiles of women, even though I canceled with them. Wouldn't you know that I keep opening the e-mail? I should delete them with the other spam.

Yesterday I saw a profile of a lady who seems very attractive to me. Big beautiful smile. Lives actually IN NYC and loves it. Is a writer and a poet. Is looking for a man who could be as old as 45, but she herself is in her early thirties.

Last night, I thought to send her an e-mail -- and discovered that my membership needs renewing before I could get a message through to her. So when I wrote to the last girl, it cost 39.99, and now it'll cost the same.

Is 40 dollars (well, 80, really) a reasonable amount of money to communicate to whom could possibly be the love of your life? Obviously, Match.com thinks so. To me, it feels like extortion. It's like Charlie Brown and the Football. I mean, how do I know that Match.com isn't running scam on me? That they wait until I have no membership until they send me someone who "matches" my preferences, and then when they get my money, they just have staff reject me with a form-letter? How many 40 dollars do I pump out until I "find love"?

And mind you, I'm not in it to troll the profiles and get me a string of dates, and a whole bunch of sex. It would be worth 40 dollars if that were my goal. I'm sure 40 dollars is cheap for just one prostitute -- so imagine the win ratio for a successful multiplicity. They send like, nine matches every week. Hit up half that many per week, get at least two women to respond, and blammo! That's only 20 dollars per poonani. Not bad.

But I want one woman. Just one. I want THE one.

And yes, 40 dollars is worth it, but as Luther Vandross said, "I just don't want to be a fool." Hmmm. But Luther never did have any girlfriends...

No comments: