Perfectionist

"So ... do you hold yourself up to ... perfectionist standards, do you think?"

You have to love therapists. Please?

That was her way of telling me that I'm a perfectionist bastard. lol

Minus the bastard. I threw in the "bastard" obviously because I'm hard on myself. And I'm hard on myself because I'm a perfectionist. And being one means that I'm not perfect. Because if I were perfect, I wouldn't be worrying about getting there. I'd already be there.

Fun Times On Planet Earth!

This is good. A lot of things I do, and don't do, are because I'm a perfectionist. And I like a majority of myself for it. I've gotten a lot of things done, and expended a lot of useful, creative energy because I'm a perfectionist. (I developed the audio drama because I'm a perfectionist. I didn't think anything anyone else was going to do for My Hero would be good enough. I'm happy to say I was wrong.) And I've made some outstanding friends because The Perfectionist in others have attracted me to them. And keeps me enamored of them. And of all the faults in the human race, I think perfectionism is tolerable. And out of all my own faults, perfectionism is the one that I can accept and even embrace.

Because when all is said and done, its the pursuit of perfection that leads us to the better angels of our nature. And I LOVE the better angels of our nature. I adore and idolize the better angels. So did Gene Roddenberry, which is why there's a Star Trek. So does Russell T. Davies, which is why there's a new production of Doctor Who. It's the stuff of legend and fantasy. The hero striving to triumph over evil.

Love it. Devoting my life to it.

The downside is when I punish myself too harshly for failing Perfection. And when I judge others too harshly for also falling short. When I let my disappointment in myself and others cause me to isolate from them. When I see imperfection as so distasteful that I verbally abuse people or cut them out of my life--that's unacceptable.

So this is good. I came away with something that makes me feel good about me, and something to work on without making me want to throw myself under a bus.

That was worth the co-pay! :-)