And Here's Why

(Originally 11/5/06)

Because I felt trapped and powerless. Because I had expectations that got snatched away. Because he intrudes in on my personal space without a care (he's incapable of caring about it; he's autistic, or so he claims, and his life is all about himself).

So I hope you guys had a nice time %$*6ing yourselves. That's what seems to motivate us all anyway, right? I once said I'd make no more apologies, but I think I can afford this one.

Sorry.

Yesterday while looking in the full length mirror, I developed a theory as to why I was still dissatisfied with my weight loss. Lately I've been weighing at 187-190lbs, which would be a max of 25 lbs gone since March. But here's the Weight Chart I keep finding everywhere for men;

5' 7"
(Small frame)138-145
(Medium Frame)142-154
(Large Frame)149-168

My goal is 175, but apparently that is still going to be overweight. I've seen ideal weight on a muscular guy my size (recall Tanny at the gym) and it does look perfect, but I think I'll survive if I'm a mere 7 lbs over. Or, when I hit 175, I might just keep going because I could.

Still, for 190, something still seemed off and I realized, I'm still wearing size 36 pants! I had to buy them at the start of the year because I was starting the new job and I needed to look sane. But I've been losing weight! So, I went to Macy's last night and tried on some smaller pants. I slipped into two sizes of Dockers and two sizes of jeans.

My waist size is now a 33! I tortured the size 32s, but I could still breathe in them.

I am SO going to keep going until I make my goal. This is SO possible.

I feel a little better now. Thank you for indulging.