When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Earth Population +1

(Originally 1/30/07)

My Friend The Doctor called me on my way to the gym totell me his wife is in labor. They are out in Connecticut and his family will be joining him shortly. I thought I'd go until I found out they were going so I opted out. I think its a mistake for me not to go, but I'm definitely got that social avoidance thing going on right now. His family is significant and made of very strong personalities and if all turns out well, it's going to be an amazing time.

He's going to be his wife's birth coach so he'll be inning and outing to the delivery room, and I'd be there with his Mom & Pop and brothers and sis-in-law. I'd very much be a unit of one in a sea of people because I just always feel like that anyway. I want to belong but I don't feel like I will and its just too crazy to believe that he's going to be a father now, and his wife a mother.

I can only pray he doesn't hold it against me, but I just can't do it. I think I'd add some unneccesary drama to the works because I will most assuredly cry and maybe even go a little catatonic with regrets and mourning and a degree of some jealousy and some despair and grief over what I've already lost and it's soooo not about me right now. It's about him and his newborn and his wonderful wife.

I don't know. I'm copping out, I think. I feel bad about it, but thisn't the first time I've taken the safe road. It also won't be the first time I regret it, either. I just can't go alone, that's all. I can't go and be alone.

1 comment:

Alan said...

Anonymous said...

Either you really enjoy finding new an innovative ways to make yourself into more of a misanthrope each and every day or you really just don't know that the key to not being alone is to not be alone.

Get off your ass and go see your friend as soon as you can. This day is not about you.

Period.

If, when you get there, you really get nothing out of the experience of being with him and his family except more feelings of self-loathing, then you shoud seek professional help. Otherwise, that warm feeling you get when you're there with him is called "friendship".

And when you leave, it's okay to be sad. That's called missing a friend. It's normal. It usually inspires people to make more friends and spend more time with them.
8:15 PM