Yes I am and I make no apologies for it.. For better and for worse.
My sensitivity makes me a good writer. It makes me a good therapist. It makes me perceptive and it makes me a good supportive friend. I've learned this.
But today I realized that it makes me very open to hurt feelings, and I've learned what triggers it.
If I let you in, and I've trusted you for support, and you abuse that trust by choosing harmful words, then you will hurt me. This is what I've discovered as I made answer today to someone who I found had done this exact thing.
I make no apologies, but it doesn't mean I do not wish I were different. If my skin were thicker, I could take some carelessly thrown barbs.
But actually it isn't the barbs that hurt ... it's how carelessly they might have been thrown. It's the fact that I let myself be vulnerable to someone who doesn't get that.
Sensitive. Again, I wish I could be different in some aspects, but this is me. And what I would like is to have a circle of friends who recognize that and respect that. Friends that will help me form defenses where I need them, or act as defenses where I'm weak.
And most importantly, I need a woman who understands everything I just typed, and loves me enough to ... I don't even know the word for it. But I need her to do it.
Because my reaction to this kind of pain is to reject the source. My trust evaporates. I'm consumed with the task of protecting myself once again. I don't know what to expect from others, but I do know what I just got from the source, so why would I let it happen again?
This is me. This is me.