Sleepless In Paramus

(Originally 1/5/07)

Went to bed at 10:30. Woke up at 12:12am. Turned on Pseudopod and listened to two stories because listening to spoken word puts me to sleep, when I want it to. Except tonight. At 2:50am I cleared my sinuses from the gook that accumlated. Clicked on the BBC Radio Player and listened to nifty accents.

Drifted off to sleep and coughed and wheezed and could not stay that way. 4:05am, sat down to blog.

So yeah, a sicky creeped into my head over the last day. But there's a little more than that.

I emptied my main bank account last week to pay out my third major debtor. I lived off my meager savings, and when I say "lived off" I mean ate daily (several times a day) and gassed the car, and payed the toll across the Geo Wash once.

Except, I ran out of that yesterday.

So here I am with no money again, limping toward the financial finish line of payday today. It didn't affect my mood, because hey, it would be payday in a matter of hours--instantly appearing in my bank accounts--but it did affect my job performance.

It's hard to be an Assistant Director and not be able to order any food at the luncheon-meeting of a committee. And yesterday I only had enough gas to drive to my office and then drive home, so I stayed in the office all day. And since I had virtually nothing to do, I edited my novel for 7 hours yesterday. Shame on me.

And then, as I was leaving work yesterday, I was informed that the company had a problem with their bank and the checks would be "live", which meant that I'd have to get it and cash it. Problem is, I have about 6 cents in my bank account so the check won't cash, and if I just deposit it, it'll take all weekend before it credits to my account. So I have to go to the bank that the company uses and cash it with them. Except I am running on fumes. And I have to go to a meeting first this morning before I get my check. So I have to hope my car lasts long enough to not only get to the meeting, but then get to the corporate office and get my check, and then get to whatever bank will cash it.

At some point in all that, the car will run out of gas. Surely. And I'll look like an utter and total fool. And be unable to visit my sites and do the job I should've done yesterday.

So I have a sinus infection/cold and I'm worried about being such a slag. My only consolation is that I went broke this time in the cause of being financially responsible. (Except, there was that laptop purchase I made a few paychecks earlier. If I hadn't bought it, I'd have been able to pay off the debt and wouldn't be broke now. But I wanted it. So that was a little bit of immaturity there. Or maybe a lot.)

So I'm sleepless now. Sick plus shame plus regret robbing my ability to peacefully rest my weary head. Thankfully this is a rare occasion, so I don't have Bipolar Disorder. Just a wooden head. I need a good woman to set me straight.

Plus, I'm a friend of My Hero's, so that's all right then!