I Think I Know, Again, What I Want ... Or Actually, Need

(Originally 12/28/06)

Needs;

I need a girl who is gentle and sexy.

I need a girl who knows how to laugh.

I need a girl who can handle my past and accept the flaws it has created in me.

I need a girl secure enough to let me be one of her heroes.

I need a girl who can give criticism and still possess a loving presentation.

I need a girl who will let me have heroes too.

I need a girl who doesn't smoke! Seriously!



Wants;

I would like a girl who is creative and smart.

I would like a girl who makes the fellas look twice.

I would like a girl who has a supportive family behind her that would welcome me into their fold.

I would like a girl who can cook.

I would like a girl who uses little to no profanity at all.

I would like a girl who is not more than 10 years my junior, at most.

Well, in review, that's not really too much to ask for, right? I know I need the Needs, but I can settle for not getting my Wants, because I can do the cooking and the longer I know a person, the more attractive they grow to me.

This may be the start of some new adventures for the New Mutant. Figuring myself out is a big leap towards success in relationships, but knowing what I'm looking for is the other half of it. No need to frustrate myself or condemn myself by future relationship failures.

And more to the point, there is a girl who I am thinking of right now who I could approach. Well, there are two really.

The first is Valentine's Day Girl. Long time readers will know Valentine's Day Girl from maybe two years ago now--going on three? Or was it four? Yipes, I think it was five. She's someone who my friend wanted to hook me up with, so he sold me to her like a prime salesman and by the time she met me once, she was in love with me. That chased me right off. Not that I didn't try to get to know her a little better. But she was still scary because she wasn't gentle. Lots of energy scares me. I don't trust it because I think it'll turn against me one day when she gets comfortable with me and I do something that warrants getting cussed out. I call her Valentine's Day Girl because one Valentine's Day, out of the blue, after I had already run screaming from her years before and finally I moved to NYC, she called me up "just to say hi". We fell into and out of communication since then and now she is sending me the occasional e-mail again. She doesn't know of this blog or the last one. I'm sure if she did, she would spend eight sleepless nights reading them from start to finish, links included. THAT'S how much energy she has. Scary right? Yet she was a girl ready to soak up my D&D hobby and absorb all my creative efforts. Had a real interest in it. She also is raising two genius boys. Just a lot going on there.

This other girl I met here at the job. She appears kind of ... vacant? But vacant is gentle. And I don't guess I actually mean vacant as in stupid (I hope), but vacant as in detached. In her work environment, she was distracted by her job duties, which were keeping the grouphome safe, making sure I was who I was supposed to be, and preparing meals for the residents after I left. So that might have made her appear vacant. Then she ran across me a few times when I was in my office. she made sure to stop by and say hello. Between those few conversations, I discovered she likes Broadway plays. I also discovered that she referred to me as "a really nice guy" with one of her co-workers. I've been around long enough to know, and please don't hate my smugness, that she digs me. Again, I have to say it aloud as a part of accepting myself; not just my flaws, but my strengths too. So in this case, I have two qualities going for me.

1) I can read human semiotics. In other words, about people, I know stuff.

2) I'm good-looking. I want to guffaw everytime I say that, but I'm going to stick with it. I truly believe I am. My belly's flattening out, my shoulders have width and shape, my face is well-proportioned w/good nose, eyes, eyebrows, goatee, mouth. I could use clearer skin in the jaw and throat area, and dentistry will be a major plus in the new year, but as far as the average guy, I'm a contender.

So is any of the above criteria, with either Valentine's Day Girl or New Job Girl, enough to try again? Or should I kick it up a notch and go eHarmony? Or should I alert all my friends and tell them that I'm back on the market and let the matchmaking begin?

Because I am, you know. I'm back on the market.

Plus, I'm a friend of My Hero's. So that's all right then.