Job Search

(Originally August 11, 2005)

I'm having a bad day. Thursdays usually are because later on I go do therapy and to date, I have always felt nervous, unsure, and inferior. At the end of this night I will feel exactly the opposite. I will see progress and hope in my clients and I will get lots of job satisfaction from it.

The present anxiety that I feel, though, usually makes me want to change professions. Makes me want to work in an office, doing paperwork and work on a computer. Makes me want to go back to the Post Office and check my brain at the security desk. Put on a set of headphones and put my body on automatic until breaktime /lunchtime /breaktime /end-shift.

Funny, but when I worked at the Post Office, I was pretty crazy with boredom. Leaving seemed like The Rapture. That was the place I met the friend who is going to let me live with him in Paramus. In telling him my money woes (whereupon he came up with the idea of my moving in with him), he asked me if I regretted leaving the Post Office. Well, no, I don't. But it's the kind of job, in retrospect, that I think I could live with now.

Otherwise, I think that if I were doing therapy all week, I could get used to it in practice, and it'd become less of a weekly breakwall. Either that, or all my Mondays would become the new breakwall and my Sunday nights would be filled with the anxiety that I feel now on Wednesdays.

Siiiigghhhh.....

Anybody out there perfectly happy? Is that a possible disposition?