One More For The Road, or, "The Me I Want To Be"

(Originally June 24 2006)

I've linked to this gentlemen already, but through a wash of genius epiphany I clicked to his Journal and found a more timely source of his adventures.

He is on his way to Clarion and he has a story that's been accepted in Asimov's. In speedreading his archives, I was caught up on his life as well. When he propsed to his now-wife. When his father died. When he got bit by a dog. I watch his short videos. I listen to him read stories. Mancrush? Dude, if I were a chick, his wife would have to hire protection.

He and I traded some emails and messages over at FanBoard and he's responsive, friendly and has a good sense of humor. Ere I want to say I "know" him...not as well as I "know" Scott Hinze but way better than I "know" Wil Wheaton, if you know what I mean. Viva la Internet!

And so here I sit living another vicarious life. Alex has blogged, others do not, but many live the kind of life he does. Many people get married. A nice number of people get published. So I'm not idolizing him, just happy to have made the briefest of connections with such a one. I'm just trying to process that none of the above accomplishments are mine.

At 41 yrs of age, it's as if my haydays (heydays? heydaze?) are over. Then, resisting self-pity I say to myself "No! You're not done until you're dead! And if your faith is true, you won't be done then either!" By eavesdropping on Alex's life, I recognize that I lack the serious drive it takes to achieve stuff. This dude has an organization, media outlets, published works, and a wife all before the age of thirty. Could be he has Attention Deficit that would blow the meter out of the lab, but he is doing the damn thing.

Comparing myself to successful people is not wise, I know. I need to realize that although it feels like I am a lump (see; BIG LUMP) of inert organic matter leeching off the biosphere that we like to call "Earth" (in general and my Benefactor in particular), I am making progress. Every paycheck that I am not spending on comicbooks and buttercreamed birthday cakes, and daily lunches in Manhattan or pounds of Jellybelly beans, I am repairing the debt I created. When this season of deprived freedom is over, I will be a more financially-sound Fortysomething American than 85% of the country's population. Give or take 0.119837% Can that be bad?

No, not bad. Just boring.

Okay, this is the part where you send me love, because don't even get me started on the accomplishments of my oldest friend, and what she's provided for her children. Or my other oldest friend, (her brother) and what's HE'S accomplished. Or the accomplishments of my No-Longer-Soon-To-Be-But-Now-IS-A-Doctor friend and his expectant wife. Or...

*slap*

Now stop that.