I've No Other Word For It

(Originally August 19 2005)

It's just God.

The interview went well. It wasn't a scam. It was a man starting up a brokerage in response to some bad experiences he's had. I see him, with my therapist's eye, as someone with a grudge and an emotional weakness. But he isn't cruel. He's not roping us into his web. He wants to make money with agents who he can trust, and he wants to reward us better than he's been rewarded in the past.

Yes, I say "us" because he hired me into the brokerage. I can't actually do any work for him without a license though, and so...

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I hadn't gotten a check for my work in NJ lately. I thought maybe the counseling group decided to stop paying me. I mean, why not? Join the long list...

But when the check finally showed up today--it happened to be enough to pay for all my Real Estate classes. I also just happened to be scheduled at Starb's next week with four days off (which otherwise would be sad news). So in two weeks, I will have finished all the courses I need to take the test. Under the tutelage of my prospective Brokerage, I have already scheduled taking the RE test for licensure.

And isn't it a SHAME that they'll license me before the Counseling people will?

And then, I'm going to work out of Tribeca as a real live Real Estate agent.

And I'm going to go into apartments that up until now, I could only look at from the outsides with longing. I'm going to forge relationships with people I have up until now just been envious of. Whereas I was railing against being excluded from their social circles, I will become a chief component to them. And I won't be responsible for their mental well-beings if the process.

And I'll carry away with me a big fat slice of their pies.

Will I stay humble, I wonder? Have I ever really been?

But seriously, this has given me so much energy that I'm not sure what to do with it. Now, when I go on my walks, I'm looking at the buildings and the people with a new business-sense. It's as if my appetite has been shaped from the beginning to enter into real estate. And this is only for one reason--to make me some real money.

But I never consider this before, and I can't help the way I love NY, so it's like this was crafted by someOne outside myself--otherwise known as a "miracle". I've no other word for it.

So now, I'm fighting and scratching to stay in NY. Never wanted to go. And it would save a lot of work and effort if I could stay.

And if none of this works out, and I go to NJ--well, I'm still loved.

But I hope I don't have to.