This I dictated while waiting across from Washington Square Park in the half hour before my shift at Starbucks. In a nutshell, it's about my re-realization that I like white people and desire their company in my present neighborhood of Harlem, and at the exact same time, I resent their presence in Harlem.
Why?
Because I believe they are moving into the new buildings where the income is, of necessity, greater and they are taking advantage of the housing market in our neighborhood. The fact that I cannot do the same, thanks to my crushing poverty, makes me feel excluded from the good fortune of the white people.
Their conversations as I imagine them;
White Guy (clad in backwards baseball cap, loose fitting plaid shirt rolled up at the elbows, knahki shorts, sporting hairy legs, flip-flops, and a five o'clock shadow): "Look hon! We get to be white, have society love us, have role models of success and wealth in every media outlet to feed and support our ambitions--PLUS we get to live cheaply in Harlem because no one else is taking advantage of these swell housing prices!"
White Chick (wrapped in a trendy pashmina, Mary Janes hiphuggers, toenails painted glittery blue, cellphone in one hand and double grande soy Chai latte in the other): "I wonder why no one is taking advantage of these prices?"
White Guy: "Dunno! Isn't life great? What a great time to be alive!"
Yes, and thus, I am jealous--whether this is happening or not. Now, eventually WHEN I get my license and NYC career (and I rightly imagine that this time next year, these days of poverty will be a REALLY bad memory), that I will be joinng these white people in their blissful states.
Will I take away anything from this experience? Oooooooooh, you betcha. I will know for sure how my black (actually, my poor neighbors. They aren't all black) neighbors feel. Those on welfare. Those with addictions. Those teenaged mothers with very little hope of advancing their lives. They will feel, possibly for the rest of their lives, how I feel right no. Resentful against those who have, believing that they will never realize those same dreams. Before, they didn't have to worry about comparing their lives to the young and successful downtowners. Now, they have to stand in the same line in the PathMarks.
Another Cindy Morgan song;
Let It Be Love
I danced with another
But the melody faded...
And I took it for granted
But I can't take it no more
Guess nobody's perfect
We're always last to admit that we should
blame ourselves
So
Love is lost.
Don't we know our hearts anymore?
Now tell me
If this life's a game of giving and take
Why are we taking so much
We've been taking so much
We got to learn how to give
It's time to let it begin
(Chorus)
Let it be love
Let it be truth
Cause love will be all that we remember
Open up
Our arms to each other
Oh let it be love
Don't you know the heart and soul 'r all that matters?
Let it love
Cause love will be all that lasts forever
Open up our hearts to each other
And let it be love
I stand with a stranger
Wondering what I'm afraid of?
And I feel like a prisoner
Holding the key to my door
Why run from each other?
We've led ourselves to believe that no one
really cares...
So...
On we go...
Wonder what (?) we are.
Now tell me
What's a broken world supposed to do?
We've been hurting so much
We've been hurt so much
We've got to find love in Him...
So won't you let it begin?
(Chorus, slightly altered)
Let it be love
Let it be true
Cause love will be all that we remember
Open up
Our arms to each other
And let it be love
(o let it be love)
Don't you know the heart and soul 'r all that matters?
So let it love
Cause love will be all that lasts forever
Open up our hearts to each other
And let it be love
Believe in love again....
(Chorus-spiralling with echoes and a male background singer repeating,
"Hold it today,
Believe today,
sweet love today--
Be led today,
be led today,
sweet love today"
in syncopation to the beat)
--at least, that's what it feels like to me.
Wow, this song could revolutionize the world.
The whole wide world.
Or at least my own personal little world.
Amazing.
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