I Just Had To Do It

(Originally August 5, 2005)

This was on my mind yesterday something fierce. I was loose in the city, after I posted the last blog from the Time/Warner cable store(?) to turn in my cable box and turn off that signal and felt just a tiny bit defeated for having to do so. So how'd I cope? I spent money on foodstuffs, and on Karaoke. That's where all my money goes, like a crackhead to crack. Fortunately, I still have enough to make a payment to the phone folks, as I originally intended.

But I walked from 23rd to Lincoln Center in a lazy, roundabout path, taking advantage of my day off (which included the session in the karaoke booth), and when I got to the Park I still felt sing-songy like a derelict Fisher King from Robin Williams' movie, and I decided to sing aloud and regard no one. The above link is the capture of it.

I so don't want to move to stupid Paramus.

If only in three weeks I could fin a full time job, but it's all catered to the social workers with their precious LCSW's and their MSW's and CSW's. The Social Work profession has such a tight lock on the Master's-level mental health positions in this state, it makes me wonder if my license will even change anything. How soon will my license get recognized and honored?

And why can't those who are not asking specifically for LCSW's HIRE me? I must have applied to ten positions both when I had my car and not, both in NJ and NYC. Makes me feel like such a loser. Makes it hard to accept the relative success ALL my friends are experiencing, and my eviction is the icing on the cake.

So there. Poor little me.

Now onto more cheery things, like my salvation, and City of Heroes, and working/closing tonight at Starb's, so hopefully free food, and church tomorrow! YaY! No matter what shift I have to work at Starb's on a Sunday, I still get to go to church. That is such a different attitude than what I used to have, where the very thought of church attendance would fall into a blank hole and the guilt of it simply followed me from week to week.

What should I rate my life right now, on a scale of 1-10?

I won't.