This Is Me; Stubborn

(Originally Oct 3 2005)

I'm sore, but not cripplingly so. Yesterday I spent more than enough time moving stuff to NJ with my Doctor Friend, and abandoning other stuff. Then on the second trip, I realized I STILL don't want to go, and decided to spend another night in NY (I had work to attend to today, mandatory meeting to tell us how the market has changed and blah blah blah).

After all, I didn't receive an official eviction notice just yet, and so I really don't have to leave until then. I was set on abandoning my couches, my dining room table, my computer table, my bed, a coffee table, and entertainment center, my rugs, and 3 bookcases plus a whole lot of books. On Friday, GrimJester tried to convince me to take more than I was willing. Yesterday Doctor Friend tried to do the same. They could sense that this was depressing and I was in a nasty blue funk, and possibly making incorrect judgments on my stuff as a result. Factually, neither of them had the kind of vehicles I could use to get the big stuff out, and I am tired of hauling stuff around. Especially against my will. All the positive points still exist--free rent being chief. But even Doctor Friend could see, when he met the NJ Benefactor, that he is a strange man. GrimJester told me to call him if I get inappropriately touched--but of course, by then, it would be too late.

NJ Benefactor, though, will not be home much--and probably less now that he's got me to house-sit. He wants to redecorate the part of the house where I'm staying (first of which will be me changing the catbox litter down there and eliminate the urine smell.) So then I got the bright idea last night, upon resettling into my apartment in abject stubbornness, why not redecorate with MY stuff? After all, why should I give up my crap?? I've lost enough haven't I?

Which, by the way, I received a letter on Saturday informing me that my car has indeed been sold. Have I mentioned that already? I feel like I have. Today I called the contact number and discovered that they think I am due money, but (and get this) I was told that if I still owe any tickets, I will not be receiving the money. ??????? 1)What tickets could I still owe when you've had my car all this time? and 2)Isn't that why you snatched my car and auctioned it off to begin with--to pay the tickets? and 3) Why can't you just take the money out of what to owe me to pay for whatever 'other' tickets I owe--since you guys had no problem seizing my property in the first place? All of a sudden they want to get squeamish about appropriating my property?

So now I want ALL my stuff. I want my couches, with their backrests reconditioned for my cat's cushion-throne. I want my bookcases. I want MY queen-sized bed. I want it all. It's MINE--I want it.

So I'm pricing a moving company to see how much it will cost, and I'll be forwarding the amount to the NJ Benefactor to see if he'll spring for it. So instead of buying new furniture, he can just use mine. And then, when I'm ready to leave, he can then just keep every bit of it. Why? Because by the time I'm ready to move, I'll have enough money to be going somewhere NICE, and I'LL be the one buying all new furniture. Heck, I might even be buying stuff that me and my WIFE will have picked out.

That's right, I said it!

I might be ready for it all by that time.

Of course, that time is prolly not going to happen for two more years--so why not be comfortable on MY stuff??

And then again, I could wind up in quite a mess. The fact is, the NJ Benefactor had some extremely strange sexual habits back when I knew him best. And impulse control problems like you would not believe, which is why I and every person in our workplace knew about his sexual habits. REALLY scary right? But in none of that time did I ever know him to be homosexual or a molester of unwilling people. I mean, if I were to decide to go gay, and put the moves on him hot and heavy, I believe he'd give it a tumble, but I'd rather shoot myself up with rusty water than do anything sexual with another man. My own derailed sexuality notwithstanding, I'm just not willing to get touchy-feely with a man.

It'll take a little bit for me to get touchy-feely with a woman, much less a man! (Just ask my last girlfriend).

But anyway, if the NJ Benefactor has degenerated into a raging pervert over the last bunch of years, and he has been praying to Satan that I would move into his house so he could have his sick little ways with me...yuck. Just typing that skeeves me out.

Then I guess I'll be running into the NJ night, flagging down a cop, dialing 911, and calling GrimJester for help. (Grim knows Judo, dontchaknow).

God, help me.