Feeling Better Than Yesterday

(Originally 12/21/06)

Every once in a while it becomes obvious to me that anxieties have a big part in my life. What I don't know is if they are normal anxieties, are they out of proportion, or are they common for this Eastern-seaboard Metropolitan American 21st Century lifestyle.

I do notice that if I walk down a NYC avenue people are releasing pressure in several ways. They smoke, they jog, they're drinking coffee, or they're jabbering away on the phone. Also, they drive cussing and beeping their (our) horns. So I do think this society is tightly wound and under lots and lots of performance pressure. Gotta keep making that big money to maintain those big lifestyles.

Now what is my own deal? I have performance anxieties too, I suppose, and they seem to be mostly in the interpersonal area. I don't smoke, but I do jog and drink coffee. And up until recently I hated hearing people chatter away on their cellphones.

Now? I've joined the crowd--releasing pressure by calling friends. Now I better understand what that need is all about. This doesn't mean I have license to go screaming out all my conversation in any given Starbucks, (but I did notice I get loud at times, particularly when I laugh. And laughter is such good medicine that I can't be mad anymore at people who do it).

Particularly, the monkey on my back involved calling one certain friend. The task came frontloaded with all types of inexplicable fear and anxiety. He was the one I most wanted to call and there was never an indication that I could not or should not call. In fact explicit permission was given along with the telephone number. So it was my own internal fears holding me back. I had (have?) an internal hatred of people who need to talk on their cellphones but had to realize that I was becoming one of them. Until I could achieve that, I felt like I would be an intrusive, needy, pain in the arse, and ultimately, be rejected for it. But my friend is not ME and has no hang ups about using his phone (do you see what I did right there?).

So welcome me into the human race.

*sing it with me now* PEOPLE! People who need PEOPLE! Are the LUCKIEST PEOPLE! Iiiiin the WORLD!

I need people. And pleasantly enough, I've discovered, they kind of need me too.

Yeah. So I feel much better today than I've felt all week. Good enough, in fact, to wish you all a very Happy Merry, and a wish for you all to enjoy the season with your various loved ones. I sincerely hope you get the most significant holiday wish on your list this year.

*big hugs*