When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Day Addendum

I found out that the nearby McDonald's gives breakfast still at 10:30a and they give a free cup of coffee with a breakfast sandwich. Score!

Then I also found out that the appointment I thought I arranged this morning for a client was actually in the afternoon. WhoopS! But I got coffee now, so I can deal.

Third, a co-worker, who is the lead director of the building where my office is, told me this morning "I love you."

This co-worker is a man.

And he's not my type.

I dunno why I haven't blogged about him up until now. Many times he has found an excuse to come into my office and ply me with little jokes and stories, as well as gotten me involved in client psych matters when my boss has told him clearly that I'm only in the building because that's where they put my office. There is already a psych staff assigned to handle this site. But this dude wants me on the case. Every time.

I'm not going to say I'm uncomfortable with his attention. He literally acts like a schoolgirl with a crush when he comes to see me. It has been very flattering, I must say. Mighty ego boost and all that. But at the same time, I feel a lot of compassion for him. I know what it feels like to be so smitten. And I've told and retold myself that what I think I see is not actually what it is. After all, he has at least one child (I've learned in the many conversations) but he's also divorced. He isn't flaming, but he's soft enough to make me believe he could be gay--and again, there's the schoolgirl-acting thing. I swear, you'd be amazed to see it. I don't know why someone else hasn't yanked on his shirt tale when he's in high swoon. It's a little embarrassing.

But it does add up. His emotional control isn't good when he's also frustrated, angry, or insecure. His face gets red and he stumps around huffing. He also whines to anyone who'll listen, even though he's everyone's boss. So it shouldn't be hard to realize that he also can't control his behavior around me.

Now hear this--it would take A LOT to get me to get into a relationship with a dude. Way more therapy that what I'm having now. There'd be A LOOOOTTT of mental boundaries to cross and a lot of core beliefs I have to extinguish. A LOTTTTTT of work I'd have to do, if I wanted to decide to be gay. So this guy? This guy would not merit such work. Don't tell him I said that.

Fortunately, he said "I love you" real quick, as a throw-out, close to the end of a topic he was already on, and then he played it off as though it was supposed to be the kind of joke that a striaght guy would throw out--except he didn't follow it up with "...man."

So for now, I can take it like he was just joking. I can pretend that what I think I see coming from him is all really just my own delusional, bloated ego. But we all know about my ego, don't we? It's only strong when I think I'm getting disrespected, not complimented.

One possibly last thing (something else might occur before I jump back into the workstream today)-- Dane Cook has been taking lessons from George Carlin.

I was glad to catch the beginning of a Dane Cook concert on cable the other night. I wanted to see what the fuss was all about.

Oh my gosh.

That white boy was FUNNY!!!! There he was standing in the center of the universe, with some 20,000 souls amassed to watch him perform, and now I know why. Evidently he is to comedy what Dave Matthews is to music. The frat boys/girls love him. And this is completely his appeal--he is the voice of the white dude. He actually told the following joke and got away with it;

"I talk so much in the movie theater that black guys behind me tell me to shut up." Then he pulled off that black voice that white guys (like Eminem and Paul Wall) pull off well--"Ay, yo man, shut up."

We thank you, white fellas who like us so much that you put on our affect well. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and all that.

I encourage fans of comedy to watch Mr. Cook's body as he does his thing. What a groovy lil' cat! He got the MOVES, let me tell you. You could tell that he's one of those cool ass white boys who can seriously roll with any crowd, but is ultimately his own dude. And the content of his comedy is as intelligent as George Carlin's. Cook knows how to dissect today's guy-angst with surgical precision, and leave it flayed out there for you to laugh your ass off at. And then too, he says all the nasty words that just makes you automatically giggle.

I just have to wonder what he's like offstage. Broody and depressed? A raging pothead (contradiction in terms, I know)? The poster child for ADHD?

Whatever it is, you betta WORK it, Dane Cook.


pinknest said...

okay, dane cook aside, how was that free mcdonald's coffee?

GrizzBabe said...

Wow, you really did a good job of analyzing that guy. You were able to see that his behavior towards you was just an extension of how he bahaves in other areas of his life and therefore kept the situation in perspective. I wish I could be that aware.

BTW, I am one of those black women that talks to the screen in movie theatres. I can't help it. I do it unconsciously and then the next thing I know the people sitting around me are laughing at something I said.

I will say this: I love that we are such an emotive people. It's a treat sometimes to sit in a theatre full of black folks. It can make the going to the movies so much more enjoyable. And it makes me feel connected to the black cultural experience.

And yes, Dane Cook is very funny and he moves with great confidence.

Alan said...

lol, pinknest!! Their coffee is dusky. Ronald must have gotten sick of Starbuck's muscling in on their territory, so they're grinding some pretty flavorful beans these days.

But I'm spoiled. I'll take a latte any day. Um, if that day is payday.

Oh, but here's a problem. They offer to sweeten it for you. I use Equal. But they don't have the little blue packets anymore. They have some jive dispenser. So no matter how many I ask them to put in it, it's never sweet enough. I asked for 5 today and it passed as sweet, but normally three Equal packets does me up fine. So Starbucks has got that over them too.

GrizzBabe, you totally called it. MyFriendTheDoctor is a white guy, and I always feel like I'm That Black when we go to the movies together. But I'm not going to stop. I'm loud. I don't as much talk to the screen, but I react aloud. I'll go "Oh, you can't be serious!" in a New York minute. Or let them scare me. I'll be like, "I HATE that!!" all loud...!

And LAUGH?! I am a laugher. I'm the Crown Prince of Laughter. In a restaurant, on a subway, in church. You hear a laugh, it's me. I'm the guy that I can't stand when I'm somewhere alone trying to get my quiet on.

So in the Magic Johnson Theatre on 125th? Oh it's showtime. Trust.

Alan said...

Oh and also about Dane Cook, I went looking him up because I wanted to know more--and someone left a message at his imDb that says, "I'm proud of him for coming out."

I couldn't find anything else about that though. I think that was a catty way to cast doubt on his masculinity. Which is hilarious because I had already been thinking "Hmm. When he does the woman's voice? It doesn't sound like a woman. It sounds like a gay man." And I thought he might have had a tongue stud because his spoke a bit funny, like ... hollow ... possibly he had a speech impedient in the past.

Or he is acting straight and hiding a gay lisp!? Which he lets fly when he portrays a woman?!