It may be that I scared off Match Girl. It also may be that she's busy enjoying her vacation with her sister and didn't want to step away from her to write to me just yet. It also also may be that I'll get an e-mail from her the second I post this.
I also had a chat last night with My Mentor, the guy who stepped in as my father figure when I went out to Missouri in hopes of becoming the next best thing in religious circles. My having left the religious circles didn't stop him from caring about me, but in the last year, I hadn't called him. In hindsight, I was stepping away from him because of all the alternatives I was considering. He would not have approved. He doesn't approve of my current plan, at his core, but he was supportive anyway. His solution for my life is to get back in church. That was his closing line as we disengaged the call, and to my surprise I laughed involuntarily for about two minutes. It was just so him. And I remember when things were that simple--when I didn't doubt the voracity of the Bible or the intention of God for humanity.
Anyway, the reason Match Girl might be gone is that I unloaded my Geekdom on her in my last e-mail. She wanted to know the reason for my screen name, which is the name of a comicbook title. So I explained ... everything. I sent her a link to the audio drama (at broken sea dot com) and told her about My Hero. I just had to. She expressed value in a man who was dedicated to anything, a career, a hobby--just something. So I showed her that I was. But from another perspective, maybe it made me look childish. She's pretty successful--maybe I no longer fit her ideals.
In which case, I'll recover. I wouldn't change who I am or what I like, so whoever's in my future has got to accept me and my everythings. I wonder how long I should wait until I wink at Match Girl II?
10 comments:
Welcome to the emotional roller coaster!
Patience is your best friend, Alan, although the message may be coming too late for Match Girl I's purposes. I totally support the idea of being who you are, but bringing a full-on geek-out into the picture before you even meet - without the actual you to discredit the notion - she's probably thinking you secretly live in your Mom's basement, or have other deeply seeded maturity issues. It's not your fault - it's the social expectation of geekdom.
That said, a few days is nothing to worry about, especially if she's on vacation.
I need to dig a bit to read about your religious experience, and to blog mine out more thoroughly.
Personally, and this is snicklefrtiz's comment, actually, I think the winks are a bit childish - like passing a note that says "do you like me? check yes/no"
Let me say what The Neighbor said in a manner more conducive to a quick and decisive assimilation of the thesis which we are trying to impart to you:
CALM THE [explicative deleted] DOWN
Read the second sentence in the first paragraph of this post over and over again whenever you're giving yourself agita.
I think "the neighbor" said it best. Don't ever change who you are, but give these ladies an opportunity to see the complete you before peeling back the geek-a-tude. Not because it's anything to be ashamed of... on the contrary. Unfortunately it simply can carry a negative connotation. There is a reason there are so many of us out here, and it's because there is such rich reward for embracing the geek universe... mainstreamers just don't know it.
No more winks. You're a paying customer. Go ahead and send an email. I will even help you write it if you send me a profile of one you'd like to approach.
Remember: it may not be your style to juggle three people at a time, but that doesn't other people aren't doing it. Lack of response can mean so many other things besides disinterest.
At least you are being yourself. If she writes back then you can feel appreciated for that. Some people just can't handle too much too fast, but the right one is the yin for your yang.
If you check my blog, you'll see that I'm alarming unqualified to offer anyone advice today, but as a semantic savant, I have to take issue with your last sentence of your penultimate paragraph.
"She's pretty successful - maybe I no longer fit her ideals."
Major brakes, Alan. Locked them up and boiled off the fluid.
IMO, you're suggesting that a filtered version of yourself WAS fitting her ideals, but that the full strength Alan-brew was just to much. If that's the case, then you need to ask yourself how honest you're being. With her, and with yourself. Agenda check time. Now.
You're a quality human being, as are your blogging brethren, and we owe it to ourselves to be loved for who we are. Full strength.
I think you did fine revealing your loves and hobbies, especially since it was on your heart to do so.
As you know, I met The Boyfriend through his blog, where the first post I read contained information that would cause a normal girl to run screaming in the other direction. But I'm not a normal girl. What I saw in The Boyfriend's post was someone with whom I identified.
If you and Match Girl are meant to be, I dobut your revelation will scare her away.
Ned--I do think I have deeply seeded maturity issues, even though I don't live in my mom's basement. My mom never had a basement, lol! I do have roommates, though. In this she and I differ greatly. In her mid-thirties, she's MADLY successful. There would be a serious disparity in our relationship. And where it'd be great for me, it doesn't amount to a lot of security for her. The idea of me running around in tights is even much less. Which is a shame, because my costume doesn't use tights.
Eliel, Commencing "Calm The Eff Down" mode.
Cyber D, check. Will be careful the next time.
Fringes, just give me a moment. I really liked Match Girl, and right now, no one else seems as attractive as she did to me.
Scott, thanks. Much as I want to be a roleplayer, I can't do it in these situations. My Hero has his right one, and I want mine too. :)
You folks are fantastic.
I've never been in a dating service but IRL Sometimes the people who don't hit your attraction button right off are the ones you end up liking the best and you end up feeling repulsed by the initial impacter. I agree with multiple experiences at once- we're not talking about sex here , we're talking about relationship. Think about long and slow not agitated and frantic.....that goes for the sex too:)
See Grizz? That's why I said that if she was half of what you are, I'd be happy. I haven't checked my Match profile again yet, maybe there's a nice juicy email in there waiting for me. But even so, if she cut contact with me now, it's better than doing so eight months from now when I'm already head over heels and consulting Mike for engagement rings.
Karma, I'll ... I guess I'll try it. More than one. LOL! You guys got a lot of confidence in me!
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