When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Monday, December 3, 2007

Let's Talk About Sex Again, Shall We?

Boy oh boy have my eyes been opening lately. Has anyone seen this show? Apparently, it was first produced in 2004, and probably aired back then. But it certainly has been airing recently, and it's my first exposure to it.

What is the interesting to me is how the porn stars have accepted the act of sex as routine. How in their own personal worlds, being naked among strangers, getting their diverse rocks off on-cue, and doing this several times a day with multiple partners per month is just so fascinating to me. It's almost as if people are capable of accepting anything. Now, of course, the show did not go into the drug use, the histories of abuse, or the dissolution of marriages and relationships in the lives of these dear ones. But I won't say more than that much because I don't know how much drugs, how much abuse, and how many relationships have ended in the porn community. I've heard "a lot." I just don't know if its more than Clothes-On Hollywood has. Chances are, per capita, not.

But any longtime readers of this blog will know what MOST fascinated me about the series. One porn star, Jenna Haze, as of 2004, had entered a personal relationship with a cameraman, and she said that since she was in love with him, she only did scenes with girls. Then they showed her scenes with girls. And, ladies and gents ... she is indeed getting DOWN with these chicks. Oh, they are licking and nibb ling and sucking and strapping on and pumping and grinding and sweating and moaning and ...

Now, we already know that women seem more comfortable being hands-on with their fellow sisterhood. They'll hug, recline against each other to watch movies, walk arm in arm down Fifth Avenue, etc. At parties, during games of Do or Dare, they will even kiss a friend-girl, and oh how everyone will giggle! But the fact that Jenna Haze, and the OTHER Jenna, (Ms. Jameson if you're nasty) can consider themselves to be in a committed relationship with a man, and then speak so highly of their female sex partners with whom they share orgasms, is another nail in coffin of "hardwired sexuality" as far as I'm concerned. (Post Script; Jenna Jameson's marriage has since ended. SHE could deal with it, but her ex-husband? Not so much, I'm guessing).

Let's take it another step. Evan Stone, as of 2004 has a wife and a girlfriend, living in the same home. The three of them say he services the girlfriend in the morning and the wife at night. And while he's out, they service each other. And sometimes, it's a threesome. And it was the wife who brought the girlfriend into the home. Because she dug her.

But of course, let's go in full-tilt. This series then covered male gay porn. And in doing so, they discussed the male actors who are straight, but do the porn because it pays so well. And they interviewed one dude, who's wife goes on set to give him pointers on how to really slobber his partner's knob down. The WIFE giving pointers to her HUSBAND on how to give ANOTHER MAN oral sex. And the interview with this man, with his wife on his lap, made it seem like he was carrying out duties as common as being a ditch digger or a Starbuck's barista. He had that embarassed-grin-chuckle going on, but the fact remains--he successfully has (as of 2004 anyway) sex with both genders on the regular. (Post Script; The porn actors get paid so much from their performances that they only had to do sex scenes a few times a month to keep a good income. So that took away the idea that they were sex-slaved addicts for me. But still. A straight man who sexes his wife, and then a few times a month sexes a dude.)

But way before I watched the porn industries attempt to show the more positive side of shtupping for pay, there was this show, where five men who married their women, and some who made babies with them, later decided that they were no longer straight, or they never were. But. They. Once. Were. Enough to sex their women, anyway, even if they were thinking about men.

So I've returned to a conclusion that I made a few months ago. Sexuality is fluid. Whatever you allow for in your mind is what you are. "Straight" and "gay" and "lesbian" and "bi" are self-appointed labels that we use to be accepted into certain communities. Communities that society enforces for whatever reason. Is it a function of community to impose order among its individuals? Assign labels so its' individuals know how to navigate and what to expect from one another? Is that how we function?

How's that been working out for us so far?

With labels come misconceptions and stereotypes, don't they? You hear a descriptive word and you get a picture in your mind and an expectation. Is there anyway to break that at all? Do most people care to?

What I think is better is just to keep what we do behind closed doors behind closed doors. It's none of their business what we do (whoever "they" are). I just don't know what to say about those who don't care to understand and have a need to use labels.

As for me ... I know what I want. I know what I am. I know what I like and I know what turns me on. And since I pay my own bills, all I have to worry about right now, is me. I hate to presume that I've arrived, but right now, I feel more attuned to who I am than I may ever have in my whole life.

And that's good enough for now.


Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Well, as long as you are secure and happy in your sexuality, that's all that matters!

GrizzBabe said...

How is sleeping with a man considered cheating (or at least something not to be tolerated) and sleeping with a woman is okay?

Alan said...

Good question, Grizz. Jenna Haze seemed to indicate that her man liked seeing her with other women. And I've heard guys say that girl-on-girl action is hot. (Personally, I like nothing better than a man with a woman.) So Ms. Haze seemed to feel like if her man didn't mind, then it was okay.

But as for Jenna Jameson--she expressed a lesbian-type of caring for the women she sexed. Real love-sounding stuff. And she is now divorced. So I guess for her husband, it wasn't okay.

I don't know how a spouse could tolerate their mate having sex for any reason with anyone else of any gender. Money ain't worth it.

Old Lady said...

Which all concurs with my philosophy, "What ever happens between consenting adults is their business."

akakarma said...

I totally agree with the fluidity theory. But sex is made out to be the center of the universe in our culture and it is way out of proportion to it's place. That is one reason, I think that porn is so provocative ('cause the actual sex is pretty blah and flat feeling) because it feels over focused and blown up. The HBO series Tell Me You Love Me got a lot of dialogue going about hetero sex. People could not tolerate looking at aging sexuality. We've been so conditioned to only think of bodies like Playboy- sad.