When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Geek Life

Fringes sent me this once. Thought it bore repeating before I continue.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

—Nelson Mandela

And this article by Ta-Nehisi Coates entitled, "Nerd culture and Black people--not an oxymoron"

Okay, now on to my topic. I'm currently in Pennsyvania. Reading, in fact. No, no... I'm not reading. The town is called Reading. Except it's not called "Reading." It's called "redding". Okay? Okay.

I drove here last night after I visited with my last client. Straight from NYC to Reading. Because what's happening this weekend is This Event. This event is sprung out of the heads of the boys who created the forum that I frequent, which I like to call Geek Central.

I like to listen to a lot of comic podcasts, but being the caveman that I am, I don't download them and enjoy via mp3 player. Rather I just listen to them through my work computer or at home, through my laptop. And naturally, I crush on the voices talking about comics, and their wives, and their well-adjusted lives despite being Chief High Nerds. So when this event loomed near, I thought, "Yes, I'd like to go." But I didn't have that, "I'm so TOTALLY going." vibe.

Then the opportunity came up to get one of my favorite podcasters to go with me. I cajoled and persuaded and prodded and backed off and reapproached. I bought my tickets and my hotel room. And at the last, my favorite podcaster said he wasn't going.

Well, bummer. And then I looked in the mirror and faced it. I wanted him to come because I have a mancrush on him. He's married, of course (my favorite kind!), and i just wanted to watch him navigate with his friends. I wanted to become his satellite for the weekend. And possibly, (and definitely not for the first time), he could tell I crushed on him and just decided I was too creepy to meet in person. He gave me a lot of circumstantial evidence as to why he couldn't make it, and he remains very friendly via traded Personal Messages and shared forum posts. So I haven't killed our web-relationship. I just feel like a freaky little stalker who needs his leash yanked every so often.

It worked out really fine the last time I did this, as this evidence shows;

We left away from the event bonded and friendly and even adoring of one another. I've spoken to a few of those fellas via phone and the rest through dozens of message posts since then.

But now here? Well, I came down because I still do know some folks who will be attending. I'm friends with a few, and I've mentioned them before. One is the really nice guy who I broke bread with at the pizza party and who shouted me out on a podcast, and two others are folks I've dined with in other places. So I have peeps to hang out with while I'm here, even if I don't meet my mancrush--like, ever.

So ... why am I blogging in my hotel room right now instead of going out and meeting new and wonderful geeks?

I guess because I feel like my freak flag is showing. Like I'm here on false pretenses. And I did miss a dose of my meds day before yesterday, so I'm probably back in my phobic head right now until the restarted dose kicks in.

So I just want to stay in the room and lounge. Pass everyone by until I feel better.

Isn't that silly? And just a very little bit sad?

Edited to add; It's just Me, Myself, and I


GrizzBabe said...

Kicking back in a hotel room, relaxing, ordering room service(if they have it), reading a good book sounds like heaven to me. Enjoy it, Alan. You can always be social another day.

GrizzBabe said...

Seeing as how I have reclusive tendencies, I'm probably not the best person to be commenting on this issue. After all, I just spent the last 10 minutes daydreaming about spending the weekend alone in a hotel room.

Alan said...

Grizz, I swear. You are my wife from another life.

I'm still in the room. I just let room service clean around me while I went elsewhere on the net.

Out the window I see an "Olive Garden" and I'm reminded that I haven't gone in there since I lived in Trenton. (The breadsticks alone packed 10 lbs on me).

I'm going to eat there in about twenty minutes. Because I want to, and I'm grown. And when I'm done, I think I'll come back and finish the script to my three-parter audio drama which will eventually be found here.

So there.

Alan said...

So when I've finally sorted out who and what the hell I am on Planet Earth, can I have a girl just like you, Grizz?

Alan said...

And now I've just bought $150 bucks worth of tees, sweaters, socks, boxers, a rugby hoodie and a euro hat from Old Navy! Or as I affectionately now call it, "White Guy Central." I mean, because I came down here with just the clothes on my back last night.

And now off to Olive Garden!

It's just
Me, Myself, I. Sing it!

GrizzBabe said...

I love a man that knows how to shop! I wish I had been there. I love to vicariously shop for clothes.

There are tons of girls 100 times better than me. I have no doubt that you'll find your perfect match someday.

I hope you enjoyed Olive Garden. Did you eat some bread sticks and salad for me?

My favorite chain Italian restaurant is Carraba's. They have the most awesome bread experience. They sprinkle some ground up spices on a plate (basil, oregano, crushed read pepper, I think, among other things) and pour olive oil over it. They bring you warm bread in a basket that you can dip in the olive oil mixture. Delicious! Their fettucini alfredo with chicken, mushrooms and peas is not bad either.

Alan said...

I had two breadsticks, so the second one was clearly yours. I also accidentally bit, chewed up and swallowed the pepper that they put in their salads, so I'ma go ahead and let you have that one too. I still feel the burning in my throat.

There are tons of everything 100x's better than us, Grizz, but you have to admit--you and I get along famously and we have a lot in common.

I am hoping that Irish Girl has a lot of your qualities. If she's as kind and supportive as you, we could be talking something long term here. That's right, Grizz. I'm measuring them up against you. Accept it. :-)

The Neighbor said...


Then Horse.


You haven't even asked her out yet, my man. Daydream all you want, but don't pin your hopes on something that's more imagination than reality.

Pin your hopes on YOU.

Alan said...

"don't pin your hopes on something that's more imagination than reality."

Hi Ned, I'm Alan! Glad to have you here! Have you been reading Redeemable Life long ...?


The Neighbor said...

Wait . . .

You're THAT Alan?


Tera said...

You act like there's something wrong with taking a break in the hotel room and posting a blog. ;-)

BTW...I LOVE Olive Garden...hope you ate enough breadsticks for me!!!