When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Back To Default

So. I've been in MidJersey practically all week because remember the co-worker with brain cancer slowly dying? Well her decline is noticeable and her work performance is compromised and my boss has me down here to make up for the widening gap in psychological quality of care. That means I'm meeting psychiatrists that I've never met before, advocating for clients that I know nothing about, and forming relationships with parents who I hope never to meet again. Meanwhile my ailing co-worker keeps trucking on, losing more and more of her objectivity, discretion, and patience. She's liable to cuss out a visiting state caseworker if she isn't reigned in. (Which is something we sometimes would all like to do until we realize that we're all on the same side.)

Well this morning, in addition to this, the program director calls me on my hour-long commute here to tell me he's not coming in, he has an injury, and he wants me to chair the meeting today that we'll have for a new admit. Sure! No pressure!

Meanwhile, I'm back to eating the pain-reducing sweets that I love/need to get through a day, Mr. Morning Guy dissappeared somewhere from inside of me last month and I'm arriving late to work again, I'm feeling a glimmer of the old ennui that haunted me before I redefined myself with Ned's help, and I'm suspecting that I need another increase in my meds.

(The client has arrived, so game paused on account of profession. I'll be back...)

Okay. So the meeting went, and it went well. I chaired the thing, and I found myself mysteriously on point. I guess processing it here in writing got me ready to take it on, and I took it on.


I guess it's like life. Stress comes, you process it, and then you deal. And of course, what I'd really like is to call up Scott or Ned or Tera or Grizz or Dawn or preferably all of them, and say "Where we havin' lunch at?!" and we'd all do a "Sex and the City" roundtable at the pizzeria or Chinese Buffet and decompress in our wonderful, several, witty ways before going back and finishing our day.

*sigh* I would love that.

But here we do have the internet. It may be a lot like all of us being-- [CUT!!]
Short story alert!! I'm going to cut what I just wrote and paste it somewhere else, because I think it's a dynamite idea for a story and I will write it.

Anyway, when I started this post, I was ready to moan about some setbacks I'm experiencing. But right now, not so much. A well done task at a job you like is miraculously therapeutic. Even my brain cancer'd co-worker did well. She only needed redirection once.

I'm telling you...Ally McBeal, anyone? I just know it. We're going to lose this co-worker like Ally lost Billy (oops, spoilers). One day, this co-worker is just going to plop down on the floor, and then lay down and die. That may be Worst-Case Scenario Man's torturous, sonorous tones, but I just know it. I mean--I did tell you that my Mom died of the same stuff that this co-worker is experiencing, right? So why wouldn't my mind go there? But dammit, I'm ready. I'm ready. If I'm here when that happens, we're all going to be okay, and my co-worker gets her release. I've done this before. I'm ready.


I love you guys.

I'm a little lonely. A little moody. A little fat again. A little unhappy. A little proud. A little okay.





Trixie said...

Well get your self at of this 'little bit' mood, and start writing that idea you just cut from us! lol

The Neighbor said...

I think it must be in the air. I had a tough day too - not even bloggable really. But I'm okay too. As you are okay too.

Those sweets are not pain-reducing. They are pain inflicting. Knock it off - that Nutri-system costs too much to be mucking around. ;)

Apples and bananas are my snacks of late. Yum.

It's a stumble, not a fall. As for redefining yourself - nah. It was more of an assertion of self than a redefinition. Freedom comes in odd ways sometimes. So does weight.

Dammit. Now I want Chinese.

GrizzBabe said...

I'm a little lonely. A little moody. A little fat again. A little unhappy. A little proud. A little okay.

Sounds like my life. My whole life. No matter how good things are going, I'm never totally happy. Nor am I totally unhappy either. I'm a little bit of everything.

I'd love to meet up for lunch at some Mexican restaurant, sip Margaritas, munch on chips and salsa and dish about our jobs, relationships, politics, whatever.

A Shade Of Scorpio said...

Man, that's scary stuff right there. I know its life but it just sounds so terrifying to me. However, major kudos for hitting the target in the meeting!!! You drove an hour to Rock and not disappoint!

Today seems to be 'that kind of day' for a few folks. One of my friends is having exactly that mood. A Two Steps Back Who Am I and What Is My Deal day.

Steep in it if you like, tomorrow's a clean slate. Sometimes you have to slide into it and accept it for a little bit. Life is awesome. We get those little bits of punctuation sometimes though where we realize that we slid down the web a tad off the high. You'll buoy back up. No doubt. ((((Hug)))!!!!!

Tera said...

Ned's right...it's in the frapping air! It's been a lonnnnng, crappy week, and I have been in a terrible funk. I tried to drink my sorrows away last night...I got the most AWESOME, restful slumber out of it but that's about it.

Man, wouldn't that roundtable/lunch you spoke of be so freaking awesome?!

Tera said...

Oh yeah Alan, I've been telling everyone...read Nance's latest post http://deptofnance.blogspot.com/ the one titled "It Turns Out I Had What It Takes All Along" It's great and I got a good laugh out of it!

The Neighbor said...


Pardon my French, but FUCK default. You don't need a rut to fall into. You're Braveheart. All you need is blue warpaint, a kilt, and some kind of war axe.

Shake it off, my man.