When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Sunday, May 11, 2008

2nd Date, Various States Of Ennui, And Becoming "The Guy"

Well it seems my girl is a phone-o-phobe.

Teehee. I said "my girl".

We had another date today, arranged last night after a hard-won, quick and brief phone chat.

It was hard-won because she called in the afternoon yesterday, close to the "when" of my comment response to the last post, wherein I wrote that I was a bit disillusioned. What I didn't know was that I was a lot disillusioned. I pledged to you guys I'd keep my options open, but I was emotionally moving on to Match Girl-II. And also, I was feeling the Call of the Sedate luring me back to my normal life of aloneliness. Back to the familiar ennui, the safer well-traveled ground. When she then called, I didn't want to pick up the phone.

And I did not.

I let her leave a message. And still, I did not want to hear it.

I had grown not just disillusioned, but disenchanted. Literally no longer enchanted by the idea of first dates, and beautiful eyes, and amazing smiles.

So I called MFTD about the meds. I asked him if they would help me whenever my mood took this kind of plummet. Whenever these slight derails of my enthusiasm turned into a fullblown trainwreck. His advice was priceless and he made me realize that I don't have to wait for a psychiatrist to get my meds. That my regular practitioner will prescribe them. So I'm going tomorrow to get started on something.

And he urged me to listen to the message and go on a second date. He could hear in my voice that I was 'moving on' and he knew I needed an intervention. He's been there, you see, for each of the women I've moved on from in the past. Each of them. He's my best friend, so of course he knows. He even made me promise to call him back after I listened to the message.

It was she, making plans for Sunday based on my last message, and opting out of a Saturday get-together (letting me off the hook from my not-wanting-to-ness yesterday anyway).

"Yesterday Anyway". I like that.

A few hours later I called her--and had to leave another message! About an hour after my message, she called again--and I picked up.

We actually spoke to one another!!! However, her reception was breaking up, so she just got the message out to the specifics of today's date, the where and the when and so forth.

So today we had a pleasant time, and when I asked if she (or any of us Matchedeers) usually date more than one at a time, she discouraged the idea. She said that she wasn't doing it, at any rate. And when I indicated that I wasn't inclined to do more than one at a time as well, she said "that's good" with the ever so slightest coyness of smiles.

That's why I started off this post by thinking in terms of "my". If we exclusively date, then she's "mine" and I'm "hers". What we exactly are to each other is not quite clear.

At its most innocuous, she's a woman used to her solitude and her routine. She's madly successful at her career, which my ego is handling fine so far since I have been able to pay for our meals. So maybe, she doesn't need the kind of social contact that me in my sappy old age, has come to want. Which means that I might be doing most of the reaching out, should we progress along in the exclusive way. And that possibly I won't need to get a Bluetooth for the indepth, running-commentary phone conversations that I was gearing up for.

And too, I'm wondering just when will I get to hold her hand. When, at a dinner table, I get to idly kiss her wrist and just nuzzle on it for a bit. When do I get to hug her from beind and fill up my arms with her. When do I get to smell the back of her neck, under her hair? When do I get to make her squee with my beard on the nape between her shoulder and jaw?

I'm learning there are no hard and fast rules to all this stuff. But I can't help but wonder.

I'm thinking we need to go out dancing for the third date. Go somewhere fun. Introduce some passion up in this piece.

Look at me all manly an' stuff!

Yeah, this is what I want to be.

I want to be The Guy.


GrizzBabe said...

DANCING!!! I love the idea of dancing! Salsa dancing, maybe? Someplace where they teach you the moves and then turn you loose. Or maybe just some good ole fashioned put-on-some-R. Kelly-and-sway type of dancing.

Vi said...

Wow, you are being exclusive already? I don't think I could do that unless it's more of a 'relationship' I guess. Not putting all your eggs in one basket.

Scott said...

Well good for you. You didn't totally freak out and things are moving on despite the unexpected silences. If she wants to be exclusive, then you are on the right track. The kissing, the hand holding, all those intimacies will happen naturally. Dancing is the perfect opportunity to hold hands, and to slow dance of course. You're on your way, Alan. No worries.