Mona wrote in the last comments;
Aloneness is ultimate. there is no way to be anything other than alone. One can drown oneself in so many things, but again & again the truth asserts.
It is not the aloneness that creates sadness. It is one's idea that to be alone is to be sad that creates the problem. Aloneness is utterly beautiful because it is s profoundly free.
Aloneness misinterpreted looks like loneliness. In loneliness you go on missing the 'other', the other being any excuse that helps you drown your consciousness, any intoxicant...a man/ woman, a book...anything that helps you to forget yourself, that takes you away from self remembrance.
Aloneness is beautiful. It is when the other is no longer needed, when you are enough unto yourself. You are rich when you are alone, because you are so full & you have so much you can share. But you are poor when you are lonely. A lonely person's heart is a begging bowl.
A lonely person cannot relate because his need is so much. He clings and leans upon the other. He tries to possess the other because he is constantly afraid of desertion. In loneliness the possessing game becomes the biggest problem. Love becomes politics, love becomes domination and exploitation. This is because lonely people cannot love. They have nothing to give & bundled together, they create misery for each other.
Life becomes a bargain then. Relationships become a bargain, a continuous conflict.
Look at the couples who are always fighting each other. They cannot leave each other, & although they go on fighting they cannot leave.In act that is why they are fighting, so that nobody can leave.They cannot be at ease, because if they are at ease they will be at loss, as the other will exploit more.
One wonders why people don't leave each other if they are not happy with each other. They cannot live together, they cannot separate either. In fact the very idea of separation is creating the conflict.They cripple each other so that the other cannot escape even if he wants to escape. they burden each other with such responsibilities, such moralities. That even if the other leaves s/he will feel guilty.His own conscience will hurt & pinch him reminding him that he has done something wrong. And together...all that they do is fight. Together they are haggling for a price continuously. The so called love relationships & marriage today are not love. They are a market place.
October 9, 2007 2:25 PM
And I cannot respond. I at once want to defend my position and just break down and confess at the same exact time. There isn't a thing in this message that I would disagree with. Every concept here is valid, and I thought I aspired to each one. I extolled the virtues of "The Alone Life" once upon a time, and now I'm embarrassed to see how far I've swung from the ideal.
At the moment, it looks like another roadblock to relationship. It feels like being lonely is going to set me and She up for failure. In the past I have run screaming from clingy, interdependent relationships. Now I'm a leech waiting to happen.
That's so not what I want.
I need to "man up". Be the man I want to be before I go begging for love. Get some self-possession and quit whining. But I need a little help. Is this reaction too far of a swing back in the other direction?
"A lonely person's heart is a begging bowl." Haunting.