When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Thursday, October 4, 2007

My Night Job; Episode Three, "Premature Friday"

There's a new kid who I will simply call "New Kid," and he has the potential to creep me all the way out because ... well, he's too much like me. That is, if you were to darken me a few shades, stretch me to about 7 more inches higher, give me back all my teeth, then put braces on them, then lop twenty years off--you'd have me.

Last night I had to work with New Kid and Snapper (who the two of them just happens to be friends from way back, oh joy) and although I was in no specific mood, I found myself shrinking back. He sings aloud like I do (only better than me), he laughs a lot with the customers, and he'd throw himself on a grenade to keep the peace.

It was as though I felt uncomfortable watching my own vulnerabilities and insecurities reflected in New Kid. But at least he keeps Snapper involved long enough through conversation and hijinx to reduce the snapping. So it's all good.

No sign of The Bull in the past two nights. I miss him. :( Maybe his awkward attempt at seducing me has embarassed him to the point of no return. Poor Bull. If I were a chick, I'd let him take me right up against the cafe' wall, because that's the kind of 'ho I'd be. As I am now, I'd easily watch him in a porn flick. Big handsome bastard!

But wait, Carmine Macchiato was in the house! No macchiatos, but he was with the Lady Macchiato, and I heard him making her laugh a few times. They LIKE each other and I love it.

Little Tea Guy stopped through and got his teas. Won't Go Away Girl wouldn't go away again. She gets persnickity when we have to spray the tables with disinfectant and wipe them, which we don't start doing until at least 10:00. But of course, because she won't go away, she's always there to make a big open show of her disdain by covering her nose and mouth with hand. It takes a lot of control on my part not to tell her that if she doesn't like it, GO THE HELL HOME!! Instead, I just laugh because how funny would that be if I busted on her in such a manner? Would she even know how to act?

Also, I introduce to you in this cast last night was Chester the Molester. I give him that name because Drama Queen took one look at him once and decided that he fancies children. It's odd that I didn't have a stronger reaction. Instead, I choose to add him to the list and give him a name. Besides, not all greasy, belt-buckle-wearing-up-around-the-chest, comb-over bald, constantly smiling guys diddle with kids behind the magazine rack.

Oh, and ooh! There's also a manager in the store who I haven't decided between names yet. On the one hand, I want to call him Little Sexy, because his walk is bad-ass, and he has a visceral presence that I think smoulders. Kind of like The Bull, only more compact. But on the other hand I want to call him Mr. Stands-Too-Close because, um, yeah. We're not freakin' posing for pictures, dude. Can you step the hell over just a little and let me breathe?

Well, that's enough for now. In I go to B&N for my "Friday," because tomorrow I'm off from both jobs and alternate side of the street parking should be suspended, so I'm going to be laying in my bed tomorrow AM until the room spins.


Little Wing said...

Alan you are so good at this!
But did I miss something, what is it you have to spray that makes Wont Go Away Girl persnickity????!!!!

Alan said...

I've filled in all the details and completed the post, Little Wing! :-) I had been rushing and hit the Publish instead of the Save As Draft. oooops!

Little Wing said...

Ok, now I get it Alan.
You really need to write this all down and publish it, I kid you not!
So funny!

Who Me? said...

I absolutely love words....and writing them, and reading them and formatting them into something.

And I absolutely love the word PERSNICKETY!!!!

GrizzBabe said...

I getting rather attached to these cast of characters and look forward to your next installment.