When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

My Night Job; The Series

Dear Diary,

Tonight my heart leapt as Carmine Macchiato ordered two Caramel Macchiatos!! The which he took back to his table where sat his lady of color!! Yes, the same one from two years ago!! I wanted to hug the both of them!!!!

I kid you not, people. I had a smile on my face that could not be taken away after I saw him with his lady. Oh, he's just so masculine and gentle. It must be the poindexter glasses sitting atop his Roman nose. But I LOVED the fact that he was buying the Macchiatos and bringing them back to his lady, where they commenced to sitting in companionable silence, each reading a stack of their own magazines. And later? When they had left and I took my break at their table, thus studying the mags they had been reading? She was scanning tabloids--The STAR & Enquirer, while he was tackling Road mags like Car & Mechanic. SO wonderful. A Man and his Woman.

In other news, Drama Queen has worked her last night in the cafe. She peppered the night with only a very few attempts at the Ebonic Effect. Eminem she's not. I will not miss it. She went to the bookseller floor, where her erudite verbal skills shall not be wasted. And now I shall be the only drama queen left in the cafe. :D

Snapper was in rare snapping form last night, as well. I realized a few things about my hyper co-worker. He's pretty scared. As in anxious. Popping his fingers is how he discharges his nrevous energy, and judging by the frequency, he must be brimming over every 15 seconds. He needs medication. This is my professional opinion. It helps prevent me from wringing his neck, because that snapping sound is like the beating of the Tell-Tale Heart. It's like whistling. I'm 100% autistic when it comes to certain high-pitched sounds like that. Add the buzz of a fly or a mosquito to that list.

Attention Deficit Annie leaned against my back at the beginning of the shift to purr "Aren't you going to miss me when I go back to (insert vacation city here)?" I told her, "Well if you're going to press up against me like this ... yeah!" And I said it loud enough to be heard. She's going to meet a vacation-boyfriend (you know, the kind you meet with a bunch of friends, get laid, then stay in contact with when you go back home), so I know she wasn't overtly flirting with me or being sexually inappropriate. She just doesn't know her boundaries. So I took the opportunity to remind her. While feeling her breasts press into my back.

I love my night job.

An addition to the cast, who I hadn't remembered, is "The Bull" I studied him a little more last night. He's a strapping guy with a bald head and immaculately trimmed full beard. He's got the best facial features--better than Carmine Macchiato's. Bold, strong eyebrows, straight nose, perfect teeth, perfect-shaped head. Drawbacks, he wears flip-flops exclusively. I can't wait until the Winter months so he'll put those cruddy feet of his away! And secondly, I'm sure he followed me into the bathroom last night. Because he keeps stealing glances at me.

I had come back in from a trip to my car in the parking lot, and caught a glance at him catching a glance at me. (This happens in the gym a lot too. Hey, what can I say?) From the cafe', especially at the rail where he sits, you can see practically the whole bookfloor. I smiled at the phenomenon of being possibly attractive to another man. Lord knows that it happens to me often enough, so when I think the mancrush gets reversed on me, I get a warm glow. I mean, I do want to be attractive--I don't care to whom. :D

So in I go to the bathroom, and I'm doing my business at the urinal, and in swings "The Bull". And does he come to the neighboring urinal, or does he go past me to the enclosed stalls? No, he just goes to the sink and washes his hands a few times. Throughout my process and my handwashing, there he was. So I made a little small talk and off I went.

"The Bull" ladies and gentlemen.

I love my night job.


Little Wing said...

Oh Alan I am still laughing over this post.
Boundaries, ahhhhhh sweet boundaries .....
give me boundaries or just shoot me, lol!!!!!!!
I love how you tell it like it is, my friend!

GrizzBabe said...

Women throwing their boobs at you, men checking you out wherever you go and following you into bathrooms trying to summon the courage to make a move. Alan, you're all THAT and a bag of chips!

Alan said...

So soft and squishy! Alan like!

Who Me? said...

The Macchiato couple sound devine! Please God let me be part of a macchiato couple one day, even though I don't drink coffee!!!!

Snapper?? Maybe too much caffeine?

Boobs on your back? Don't dismiss her so quickly ;)

Mr Bull? Catch a glance at him while he's at the urinal (but don't let him see you or then he'll think you're interested)....and then we'll decide if he's a Bull. OK? hehehe

Just having fun ;)

Alan said...

Who Me--LOL!!! I don't need to know that much, K!! Talk about a least favorite body part!! That must be what's preventing me from going to whole monty!!

As for A.D.Annie, she's way too hyper for consideration. She'd wear me out!! :@

Sunshine said...

LOL, you have me in stitches. I have no brothers and no sons and a husband who doesn't talk about what happens in the bathroom, what insight you have given me!
I can't wait till I have time to read through your older posts.

I was also very moved by the post quoted on who me's blog.