When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Monday, October 15, 2007

My Night Job; Episode 5, "Separation Anxiety"

Friday night I worked to fill in for A.D.Annie because she was headed off to her vacation jump-off to get her pipes cleaned. I hope that vacation boy can put something on her which will get her to calm the eff down upon her return.

My working brethren were Snapper, Jabberjaw, and a heretofore unnammed lass I now call "Red" (mostly harmless so far). Jabberjaw has uncovered both another flaw and a virtue. She likes to poke and prod people. It goes along with all that energy she spends also blabbing. And I don't like to be touched. So imagine how famously we're about to get along. She touches everybody, by the way, and brags about how she has slapped some co-workers when dared. So her checking out my flesh is no specific compliment. I did like it one night when she looked over at me in my black, short-sleeved polo shirt and said, "Mmm! Never saw you wearing that before! You have something going on over there, huh?"

Ladies, I'm telling you. Want to make your man happy? Compliment his body. Find anything you can and tell him how good it looks. I felt like My Hero, A Supervillian, and King Leonides all wrapped up in one package (teehee. I said "package").

Jabberjaw's virtue is that she likes the TV show "Heroes".

I also found out on Friday that Little Sexy was leaving the store. I was so upset. I'm actually going to miss him! I barely know him! But dig this--there's another store manager who I suspect is not leaving, and we actually flirt! I honestly don't get it. It's like we're both racing to see which one of us can prod the other out of the closet. And if I were gay, I doubt I go with him. Little Sexy was more my type.
I'll be the first to crack, I'm sure, because in the possibility that he really is gay (which isn't obvious, I promise he's fairly butch) then I'll feel like dirt for leading him on. But he does pay me a LOT of attention, making sure to verbally banter when he sees me, and always asking how I'm doing and then waiting for the answer. I mean, who does that?

As I've already explored, being gay cannot be easy. Unless you've already got the longterm hookup like my dude Coaster Punchman, then you've got to always be testing and questing guys to find out if there's going to be any love in your future, and then an idiot like me comes along and plays the game until you make your move, and you get a crap-eating grin and a "Oh, I'm sorry dude! I didn't know you were serious!"

Yeah, I feel awful in anticipation. I'm going to come clean with him tonight. No pun intended.


Little Wing said...

Alan! That could be dangerous to lead a gay man on if you aren't going to follow through!
Life is hard enough without messing with someone's head! (PUN!)
I would never do that to a lesbian or bi woman, I don't like pain!!!!

Alan said...

Yes, we agree!