When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I Scared My Own Self Today!

At B&N, I had to actually BAKE the chocolate chip cookies today! I NEVER have to do that. You see how evil Satan is? So did I pop an errant chip into my mouth as I juggled the trays and buried my head in the fumes of the oven?

Hell. No. Yes they smelled good and looked better, and so did the cinnamon scones, the oatmeal cookies, the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup cookies, the caramel frappucinos, the toasted marshmallow mocha lattes, the pumpkin cheesecake slices (which I plunged my thumb into to save five slices from falling onto the ground. I washed off the blob of whipped cream and pumpkin cheesecake that resulted like little Jack Horner's trophy. Washed it off. Didn't eat it) and all the dozens of other ungodly sweets surrounding me tonight.

But here's what I ate today;

Breakfast:
Scoop of protein in a Vitamin Water drink.
Double shot of espresso, sweetened with equal and cut with Half & Half.

Lunch:
Kids' sized portion of BBQ ribs from Chili's with veggies instead of fries. (This costs 6.41. About what a McDonald's meal costs. But ssoooooooooo much tastier.)

Snack:
Seedless grapes

Dinner:
4 crab cakes (supermarket bought and microwaved. Real crab, not that "sea legs" crap)
A Granny Smith Apple
A bottle of apple juice, 100%.

Midnight snack(as I'm typing this now):
Scoop of protein in a Vitamin Water.
Half a bag of Lay's potato chips. Because hey. You can't eat just one.

Plus I take a "B-complex 150" per day.

As the Godfather of Soul used to say--"OWWW! I jump back and kiss myself!" Or was that just Eddie Murphy?

Who's bad?

9 comments:

Little Wing said...

offering you the olive branch......

GrizzBabe said...

Washed it off?

I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy...

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Well, not sure what you used to eat before, but if this is a lot better, than well done!

Tip, eat some proper food for breakfast, like cereal, to get your metabolism going properly, you need to eat some real food in the morning. Avoid ribs, it's mainly fat. Go for popcorn for a snack instead of potato chips.

Tell me to suck eggs if you like Alan, but my business is to actually help people lose weight, having lost 120lb myself.

Alan said...

Little Wing, I'm sending an email...

Grizz, I know, right?! It helped having a bellyful of food from all-day eating. Then I thought of those sixpacks I want and I made a beeline to the sink. Of course, I had to imagine that I had a blob of actual crap on my thumb to get the job done, but there it went!

Vi,
I'm not worthy!!
Welcome to the pantheon of my heroes! I will be following your every word.
Lordy I knew there had to be something wrong with ribs--as good as they taste. They are my #1 food of choice. Is it okay if I save them for a weekly reward of good eating? The potato chips, I knew about. After I polish off the bag tonight, I'll seek healthier alternatives. Mainly, I just wanted not to eat the sugary stuff yesterday. I wasn't thinking "diet" as much.

But 120 lbs? My god, woman! You. ROCK.

Lara Croft said...

If you need a savory fix try salsa and rice crackers, just dont eat the whole bag lol

Coaster Punchman said...

I was going to type about how I once started to develop an eating disorder but I think I'll just blog about that instead - thanks for the memory tip. I think it's great that you have the discipline not to taste the sweets that you work with but I hope you're not becoming obsessed or anything.

Alan said...

At times I wonder if obsession isn't just a good way to get things done.

Yesterday, I ate two giant Blow Pops, one cherry, and the other strawberry. In rapid succession. I had just left a psychiatrist's appointment for one of my clients and if seemed like the most natural thing in the world to get the blow pops.

It first hit me like, "You don't think you're supposed to go through the rest of this night without sugar, do you?" It was like I was contemplating not commencing with my right hand. Then I remembered, hey--no more sugar! Then it said, "As if." And I was like, No duh.

And I bought them (in drug stores you can get them cheap! Mine were 25 cents each. How appropriate).

But at the job then, I did remain sugar free. I had a blob of chocolate on my thumb at one point when I fetched a triple choc chunk cookie, and I walked around with it for about a minute, but then I washed it off.

Coaster, I'm still 190 lbs, but I'm 5'6". I'm muscular, but I'm blubbery. And to gild the lily, I'm 43 yrs. old. If I have to get obsessed to get down to a healthy, attractive weight, then I say bring it ... :)

PS, good to see you again! I'll go read about your eating disorder and see if I get scared. But I SO doubt that I could get into danger. I hate vomiting.

Alan said...

Lara, I'll give it a try! I like salsa but I've never tried it with rice crackers. What about lime flavored tortilla chips?

Lara Croft said...

check the fat grams first lol but if they are neglible why not. One hint try and keep salt to a min, it makes ya feel fat the next day.