... we are coming in for a landing.
Again, my blog is where I process stuff, and I've been avoiding doing so for the past few weeks because I'm in therapy. But I'm sitting here at the comp with stuff running around in my head, since therapy takes place all week long as I work out what was brought up in the last session.
You can safely assume that lately therapist and I got deep into stuff since I haven't blogged about it. I still don't feel safe to do so now, as that I value the relationships I have with people who read this, and am still not so secure that want to risk that whole alienation thing. But I'm not going to start a third blog, either.
So let me say this much (and as I type more, I might reveal more)--my therapist agreed with a theory I have about sexuality, and I hadn't even told her about it. In fact, I had forgotten about the belief until she said it aloud.
I'm of the mind that sexuality isn't hardwired into the genes. What IS hardwired is the mechanism for your thoughts and sights to trigger your sexual desires. But nothing in genetic biology can be traced as specific directions to tell a man which gender he should go and screw. Eye color can be predicted, hair color, skin color, general height, health predispositions, etc. etc. Sexuality, no. This bears out by another degree--look at all the marriages that have broken up because after years and children, one of the partners have discovered they were gay. At my job, last Friday, one of my work peers revealed to me (and others) that he's divorcing his wife (they have three daughters) because she's gay. And now he's dating a woman with two children who is also getting a divorce because her husband is gay.
If sexuality wasn't fluid, how were these five children ever conceived? And all the other kids learning to readjust to the new identity of their parents?
I still feel good about me, but it's getting increasingly obvious that I'm in for a struggle if I want to live the life I desire to have.
That struggle is costing me some altitude, so please stow all your cellphones and other electronic devices, and fasten your safety belts at this time in case of turbulence.
Thank you and continue to enjoy your flight.