When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Friday, July 27, 2007

Please Place Your Trays In The Upright Position ...

... we are coming in for a landing.

Again, my blog is where I process stuff, and I've been avoiding doing so for the past few weeks because I'm in therapy. But I'm sitting here at the comp with stuff running around in my head, since therapy takes place all week long as I work out what was brought up in the last session.

You can safely assume that lately therapist and I got deep into stuff since I haven't blogged about it. I still don't feel safe to do so now, as that I value the relationships I have with people who read this, and am still not so secure that want to risk that whole alienation thing. But I'm not going to start a third blog, either.

So let me say this much (and as I type more, I might reveal more)--my therapist agreed with a theory I have about sexuality, and I hadn't even told her about it. In fact, I had forgotten about the belief until she said it aloud.

I'm of the mind that sexuality isn't hardwired into the genes. What IS hardwired is the mechanism for your thoughts and sights to trigger your sexual desires. But nothing in genetic biology can be traced as specific directions to tell a man which gender he should go and screw. Eye color can be predicted, hair color, skin color, general height, health predispositions, etc. etc. Sexuality, no. This bears out by another degree--look at all the marriages that have broken up because after years and children, one of the partners have discovered they were gay. At my job, last Friday, one of my work peers revealed to me (and others) that he's divorcing his wife (they have three daughters) because she's gay. And now he's dating a woman with two children who is also getting a divorce because her husband is gay.

If sexuality wasn't fluid, how were these five children ever conceived? And all the other kids learning to readjust to the new identity of their parents?

I still feel good about me, but it's getting increasingly obvious that I'm in for a struggle if I want to live the life I desire to have.

That struggle is costing me some altitude, so please stow all your cellphones and other electronic devices, and fasten your safety belts at this time in case of turbulence.

Thank you and continue to enjoy your flight.


Anonymous said...

I agree Alan, I think for some it is more fluid. In the cases you mentioned I don't know if people discover they were gay all along or if they just met someone on one occasion that they were specifically attracted to/fell in love with from the same sex. I would consider myself a straight woman, but did develop a crush on another woman at one time. I guess we don't all fit in nice little boxes all the time. take care.

Alan said...

I appreciate knowing that. I think it is SO common, but society hasn't given us what to do with it.

Just a few minutes ago, I watched an HBO piece on a place called The Bunny Ranch where there is legal prostitution. I could not close my mouth from the amazement. There were a few women there who looked like they couldn't be anything else BUT hookers, but there were a few who made me doubt my eyesight. More innocent-looking than early Joanie on Happy Days. These women were explicit for the camera, sharing what they did and what they liked.

And the camera SHOWED it! I guess the only thing keeping the show from being Rated X is that they didn't show the men's penii. But they showed the sex. I couldn't believe that the male customers allowed themselves to go on camera. There they were, having sex for all HBO subscribers to see. Talk about self-confidence. Or blind stupidity.

But what REALLY got me was how many of those women enjoyed being with other females. I didn't hear them say they were gay, but the show made sure to point out the one who was "straight" and wouldn't let any of the others play with her privates.

Because play they did! They seemed to practice on each other while waiting for customers!

The topper (no pun intended) was the guy who brought his wife in to have sex with a hotbodied chick while he watched. He was fully clothed and on the bed, but his wife (who seemed to be in her forties or more, but had a total rebuild) and the prostitute had multipositioned sex. According to what I saw, they both experienced a few O's too.

Then these folks got on camera when it was done and told we viewers about the experience as gleefully as if they were describing a successful Tupperware party.


I am one naive little dude. I'm sure the kink factor in the lives of some of my friends would turn me gray, and yet here I am with the nerve to be embarrassed by my own issues.

There's a lot out there waiting for me. I just hope it don't take my life ...

Anonymous said...

I've seen that on tv once or twice on BBC late at night, the bunny ranch. (in Nevada I think it was) I think it was a tamer version of what you describe though. Yeah, there is a lot of kink out there all right. whatever floats your boat, as long as it's not hurting anyone. I think alot of women are naturally inclined to be attracted to other women, whether they would actually do something about that is another thing. (maybe part of that is conditioning & following societies rules.) As I'm writing this I'm realizing how liberal I am. Naive a little also in terms of experience, not imagination though. lol

Alan said...

Boat-floating is fine, but the way those chicks were hollerin' and moanin', it sure LOOKED like it hurt! I kid. lol!

Less than ten years ago, I'd have been mortified to discuss this, much less admit that I watched such a program, but this is my re-education. I'm too old to stay repressed.

And you know what would be awesome?

To find a woman who can ride with me in my brand of kink. And by kink, I mean the part about me which isn't the traditional, American midwestern-morality, missionary-positioned brainwashed ideal about sex. That was what I wanted to conform to, but now it seems that conformity equals mind-death.

If I were someone else, or if I had been raised differently, I'd have other options--but I don't and I'm about as tired of pissing and moaning about it as you guys are. :-)

Coaster Punchman said...

Sexuality is fascinating and certainly complex. I think there are a combination of factors such as genes and the thoughts/sights. However, until we discover what these thoughts/sights are that can cause homosexuality (and I don't think we will) there isn't going to be a "cure" for this "sickness." (ha ha.) Which is why we just need to keep working to get society to get the f*ck over themselves about it. Really, why anyone else would care what two consenting adults want to do with each other is beyond me and always has been.

Think about it. If we weren't all so hung up on this stuff, the men & women with "gay" partners as you describe wouldn't be in the mess they're in, because whatever their sexual issues are would have been resolved long before they ended up married with children. There are LOTS of people who sleep with both genders, and none of it would be a problem if our Judeo-Christian society hadn't decided to make it one.

A lot of us are even tired of the labels, because if we were all absolutely 100% true to ourselves they wouldn't be necessary.

Think about a guy who is totally meat & potatoes, who sees no need for salad & vegetables in his life. He might at one point end up in a situation where there is an absolutely gorgeous vegetarian dish in front of him, and while he would never have thought of choosing that to eat, he came across it and was suddenly just drawn to it. He might eat it, say "well that was actually pretty good!" And then he might resume his meat & potatoes consumption and not even think about that wonderful vegetarian dish until he runs across it again one day. So he's basically still a meat & potatoes guy, but nothing is carved in stone from preventing him to try & enjoy other dishes once in a while. Or who knows, he may even go through a period where he really likes those vegetables and so he decides to be vegetarian for a while. Of course, his true calling will probably resurface because he REALLY loved that meat & potatoes and he misses it a lot after being away from it.

I think for most people, that is what sexuality would be like if we weren't so f-ed up about it in our culture.