No, not the Stimulus Check.
The meds. They've made me a morning person. Ever since the first few days, I've been going to bed at about 10:30, but it doesn't hurt my feelings in the least bit to go out at 10:00 or even 9:30. My eyes pop wide open at about 1:30AM and I lay there wondering if I'll be up for the rest of the night. I might surf a bit, check out the doings at Geek Central, then use the facilities and head bac to bed. When 5:00 Am rolls around, up I jump and I stay awake.
So this morning I went back to the gym. It's the first time since the car accident. I've also committed to the day job that I'll work from 8AM to 4PM, and that I'll work from Sunday to Thurs, giving me Fri & Sat off. This allows me the legitimate right to be at the counseling center by 5:30 on Mons - Thurs (with a lot of minutes to spare) and start the sessions by 6:00. I've limited my caseload to two clients per day, unless it's a Friday, in which I can do all day if necessary. Friday I can wake up whenever I want to (although it's still early), Saturdays are all mine, and Sunday after the day job is all mine too without rushing. It feels like three days off.
So life feels more manageable. Dawn found Worst-Case Scenario Man's corpse up in Connecticut, which is promising. I happen to know a little something about archvillains, but I will take this reprieve gladly.
And again, I'm not feeling the weight of my aloneness. I'm not even worrying about the prospect of staying this way. I don't get the usual twist of misery when I consider all others' successes. This is good and bad. Good in that I could use a little less misery. Bad in that it may keep me complacently alone.
Still I think if I increase my social life and just enjoy my moments, then maybe someone will appear and maybe someone won't. It's all a bit of "meh" right now. I have a trip to Charlotte, NC coming up near the end of the month where there will be a big meeting of my geeks from Geek Central, and I plan on abandoning all responsibility for that weekend. I'm going to hole up in a hotel room with three other guys (one of which will be the "Hey Ya, Charlie Brown" co-creator) and sleep on the floor, and watch them get drunk, and talk comics and movies and Doctor Who and probably sex (knowing guys) and laugh and laugh and laugh.
And this just in--I ran out of the apartment so fast today that I forgot to take my med! Oh well. I won't forget tomorrow.