When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Monday, June 9, 2008

What The Meds Are *Not* Doing ...

... I find they aren't taking away a lonely pang. I must confess, I know about SSRIs but not everything about them. I don't know which chemical in my brain or body that the meds effect except the name "serotonin". And even then I know it has something to do with feeling good, and I certainly do feel better. I'm not as weighed down.

But I am still alone. And I do still feel the absence of dear people that I want to be with. And while I'm not as hesitant to pick up the phone and call folks, I still have the same questions in my head about the act of calling. Will they be annoyed that I called? Will they be too busy to talk to me? Will I contact them too often and will they come to dread seeing my number/name on their identifier? When I consider that the answer to any of those questions may be "Yes," I don't feel the same terror at that prospect. It doesn't make me feel diminshed or worthless anymore. I guess feeling better physically & emotionally helps me be a little quicker on the defense mechanisms--a little more able to tell myself that I'm an okay guy with a lot to offer.

But the fact remains as well that I'm a needy, okay guy with a lot to offer. I'm a forty-something guy who misses the company of distant friends and the central attention and comfort of a significant human being. The meds are not erasing the fact that I just need a good hug.

I have to find a way to get a good hug. :-)

7 comments:

cassee01 said...

I'm not sure if I have ever commented here before, but I just wanted to say that you seem like a really nice person and whomever you end up developing frienships/relationships with will be the lucky ones. I think you have a lot to offer. Just wanted to share that with you.

GrizzBabe said...

Coppers! They can be a total buzz kill.

Loved the video.

Sending lots of cyber hugs your way.

Shade of Scorpio said...

((((((Hug))))))
You shoulda said something sooner. I could have breezed through the city last Saturday for a Hug Appointment on my way to creating the heatwave!

Scott said...

I loved that video. The world is woefully short on hugs. It would be nice if you could find yourself a group of people that get together for a common interest, which I suppose you already do but find lacking. You could really go out on a limb and hoist your own Free Hugs sign. Kinda ballsy, but thrilling.

Alan said...

Thank you, Cassee. I appreciate reading that.

Grizz, did you notice at the end somebody even hugged the cop? Even The Man can't resist!

Dawn, I couldn't risk spoiling it for your dude. 'Cause once you hug this beef ... well, let's just say that Ms. Aguilera got it right. "Ain't No Other Man..."
*rolleyes* I talk so much bullisht. I'd hug you any day.

Scott, I'd definitely need to up my milligrams before I'm ready to do something like that. :-)

You know what I would do? I'd take some time off and create a Blog Tour of the United States, and visit all you guys, and collect my hugs in person. Would you guys hug me if I showed up on your doorsteps?

GrizzBabe said...

Of course!

Tera said...

Alan, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but do you pray?

BTW...meds can't fix feelings of loneliness, that's something you have to do.