So what you guys don't know is that not only did I stop my diet, but I've put all that weight back on again. When I dropped those ten pounds--and only ten, mind you--I was able to do something I'd never done in my life. I was able to tuck my t-shirts into my underwear. Now, this may be no special thing to the men out there with flat bellies (except that you might not be a t-shirt/underwear tucker) but I saw this in a few locker rooms and I tried it. It's remarkably efficient for preventing the t-shirt to come unmoored later in the day. The underwear band really grips that sucker.
Anyway, doing that simple act made me realize that I had actually lost the gut. In two weeks of Nutrisystems, I had lost my gut. Well, it's back. I can't tuck my t-shirts anymore without looking like I'm smuggling a bowling ball out of the house. Well, a small bowling ball.
I'm reporting this because this is about to change, again. And it's about to change for a very good reason. My Grizzbabe was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. She's going to blog about it, but I'm beating her to the punch. When she informed me, I went into comforting-her mode, and pointed out all the positives that comes from having to monitor your sugar intake, and all the health benefits attached thereupon. And the hypocrisy stick bashed me square over the head as I typed the words out. Because what did I know? I wasn't the one who was faced with mandatory dieting. I was, however, the one ranting about buttercream icing. Idiot.
Here I am extolling the vices of irresponsible eating while My Grizzbabe faces a disease that will change her eating habits, like, for the rest of her life. And I thought, why should she have to do that alone? And why should I keep indulging in food orgies when there are so many people forced to do differently?
So no more downward spiral. Every time I tried to diet, it was for vanity. Now it's for Grizzbabe, and every other person out there who has to regulate their eating ... or die, basically.
We humans are ridiculous. We create things that destroy us. We spend frivolously on things that cause us irreparable harm. We support industries that if left unchecked, would destroy us as a global civilization.
And speaking of ... Worst Case Scenario Man has struck again. The news about Grim Jester's lady is terminal. Such a mess. But I did barge into his life yesterday, and it was a good visit. He was receptive and I didn't have to do anything therapeutic except be there. But he was every bit the Grim that I knew he could be in times when I call him my friend and mean it. His commitment to his girlfriend is the stuff of legend. My respect for him, despite all the things that piss me off about him, has quadrupled exponentially. All the times that he's come through for me, I now know that to be the real Grim.
And again it reminds me, who am I to squander my ability--my privilege--to be in good health?
7 comments:
Thanks, Alan! I really appreciate the support.
Today has been a rough day. I did something terribly wrong yesterday (not exactly sure what) and now my blood sugar is at pre-diagnosis levels. It's like I'm not even on medication.
Could it have been the breading on the chicken strips I had with my salad for lunch? (An experiment I'll never undertake again) Did I eat too many strawberries for my snack? Was it the snap peas I had at dinner, even though I was well below my carb requirements for that meal?
I don't know. It is so frustrating. And scary. I want to cry. I want someone to cradle me and tell me it's going to be okay as long as I continue to monitor my diet and exercise. But no one's here and I feel really alone in this thing.
Maybe I need to join a support group.
Regardless, I do appreciate you Alan. It helps to ease some of the frustration.
*cradle*
Go ahead and cry, Grizz. Diabetes sucks. But it is most definitely, assuredly, with much evidence going to be alright for you. Since you just started the meds and the diagnosis, surely it'll take a little bit to find the right combination for you. I'm not a medical doctor, but I work with a bunch of people who take meds for all sorts of reasons, including folks with diabetes. And I've seen how symptoms can sometimes go all over the place. And one thing for sure, you are absolutely not alone.
Thanks, Alan!
I did end up having a good cry as I drove home from the book store today. I think it helped. Your support helps too.
I speak for Humanling and I when I say wow - thanks for saying it and the way you said it - we humans create so much that destroys us. Food being probably at the top of that list. The HL and I as you know live the gf, dairy free trackn(we've been tested and the verdict is highly sensitive - not allergic) and most everything is organic. HL's epilepsy is what really drives me - to give her a 'normal' life as much as possible so she can do tasks like other kids, so that she is allowed to drive when she's 16 (some epileptics are not allowed), so that she can be out in the sun without her eyes getting sensitive. So we feel the recognition in your post. She hates eating special most of the time but I'm not a quitter and ask her to tell me what she misses or wants and I will find it and buy it or find a way to make it myself.
All back to the basics of eating. If people weren't eating it 100 years ago, we probably shouldn't be either.
I forgot to say - I'm sorry to hear about your friends (both of them) and their plights. I wish them both much peace & light.
I hate it for Grim's babe and for Grizz too. An ex of mine had Type 2, treated with pills, and her life was a constant balancing act of carbs and protein and so on. She would lapse sometimes, or try to offset one thing with extra meds, but she was never very dedicated to her treatment - she resented it a lot.
As for Gim - good for you for being there. I bet it helped him even if he wasn't open about it.
And as for you - the weight thing is really easy to put back on once it's gone. Even though I'm running 5 times a week, I'm not putting myself to the iron like I was for the adventure race, and I've gained some back too. Discipline is one of those things that has to come and stay.
Not that I'm really a poster boy in that regard either . . .
Anyhow, just try again. If you want it, you can have it.
And whatever happened with Irish girl?
I chickened out with Irish Girl. Never contacted her. Then I had my date with Former Pastor to work out if I was going to be gay. Then I realized that I'm not. Then I haven't had an occasion to see her again through my geek friend.
Ned, it's me.
Know what would help? A band of merry men like yourself to ride shotgun with me. Be my wingman. Set me up and send me out.
I would totally do the same for you! Providing I learned how...
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