When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Med Life And Other Oddities

So in Cali, on Saturday, I ran out of my medication. I had the option of calling my doctor back in NJ and having him/them/it call in my perscription. But
1) I was having too much fun to make a pharmacy pitstop,
2) I was being transported, as opposed to transporting myself, and so I didn't want to interrupt their flow
3) I missed a med before and figured I'd just ride it out until I got home.

So let me tell you the two things that happened to me on the plane rides back to New York. I hesitate to give too many details because I don't want the ladies in question to somehow find this story from a Googlation.

But anyway, leaving Cali, I had an aisle seat. There was a young couple next to me. The fella asked me if I would trade seats with him because his wife was feeling ill and it would help if she had an aisle seat. So I got the window--a nice view. (Whatever meds left in my system let me enjoy the scenery. I'll be posting pictures.) When the fella said, "My wife," the girl in question made a little gasp and said, "You called me your wife." It took me a few minutes, but I asked, "So you guys are just married?" Happy nods. I sidled into the window seat and spoke briefly with the groom. They were heading out to their honeymoon. They'd been married in one of the San Somethingorothers. His name was Such-and-such. Me, I took some pictures out of the window, put on my mp3 player to drown out the dental student in the seat behind me who had that kind of voice (proceeding to use it for the ENTIRE trip), and when "Save The Best For Last" came on, I bawled for a half an hour. Good thing I had a window seat.

Now, it seems likely that this happened to me as a result of being off my meds. However, the elements were also in place for a good drenching. First off, I was leaving my friend behind and there was no telling when I'd see him again. I missed him even though it was only just three hours since he'd dropped me off at the airport. Secondly, here was another example of the M-word sitting next to me, young and fresh and new, just starting their adventure together while I was going back to Alone Street. Thirdly, "Save The Best For Last" by Vanessa Williams has some sad-ass chords in it.

Eventually I dried up and the bride justified the need for the seat change all. the. way. to. Texas. Barf bags are your friend. Unfortunately, she ran out of them and commenced to using a plastic (read; poorly insulated and in no stretch of the imagination airtight) bag. It helped eliminate my doldrums like Raid helps kill roaches.

Okay, now for the connecting flight from Texas. My seat was on the two-person side this time instead of the three-. To remind you, I was off my meds, so I didn't want to hear it. On Headphones! Switch to Janet! I was in musical bliss. EVentually my seat partner came in the guise of a normally configured gal who slept for most of the flight. Me, I read comics (my stash from the Comic Con) and eventually used my laptop battery power on some script pages for My Hero's second season of audio. This seemed to get her attention. When the battery beeped at me, I saved the document and put the comp away ... and she asked me what I had been doing.

The conversation that ensued was an anomaly from out of time and space, largely because it was happening to ME and not Joe College, backwards-fitted hat, flip-flop wearing, "dude"-sayin' Johnny Square-Jaw. She opened up immediately, revealing her profession. The nature of it was a cross the Scarlet Witch and Psylocke. (Sorry non-geeks, but I can't describe it any better. In laymen's terms, she was a mystic.) Of course I was skeptical. She tried to give it as much legitimacy as she could manage, but it was coming out like this; "mwah, mwah-mwah, mwah mwahhhhh" (my best typed impression of Charlie Brown Adult speak). Then I went and told her what I did (for the uninitiated, I'm a therapist) and it seemed like my attractiveness factor went up exponentially at that point. Oh she went into her manic depressive ex-husbands and boyfriends, and her New York friends, and why did her life take this direction, and what she told this one and that one and "honeychilde" this, and "okay?" that and rolling her neck, and snapping her fingers. And no, she was not black. She was adapting to me, who is. Not my favorite style of communication, may I add at this point. After she'd brought herself to tears, she started in on me. She actually asked me ... ACTUALLY ... "When's the last time you had a lover?" This came on the heels of her showing me a picture of herself when she was a model. It was quite a tasteful b&w pic. Topless. I sh!t you not.

And then I got them digits (ie; phone number). Again, no sh!t content to this.

But here's what needs telling. She was a total wreck. She was as manic as Brad Pitt is famous. She was completely inappropriate with me, a stranger. She was over the top.

And she was ready.

I know with all my heart and soul that she'd be an AMAZING lay. She'd sing opera. She'd have me swinging from the ceiling and speaking Portugese.

She'd swallow.

Now, here's the question. Should I call her?

See, I was off my meds. I had a real life crying jag that morning. But even so, I didn't feel attracted to this gal. (Isn't that just the story of my life?) In fact, I felt a little scared. This was something out of a comedy movie like that one with Ben Affleck and Sandra Bullock--she was a nutter and he was getting married. But her wildness attracted him and he threw everything away to be caught up in her whirlwind. But here in my case, it wasn't scripted for maximum laughation. And it wouldn't end conveniently with a roll of credits.

And Scott, also also notable is that she lives in your city, not mine. She invited me to go hang with her, but all I was thinking about was that it would be an opportunity to go hang with you as long as I was in town. Now that's no way to treat a lady, right? And as sure as I have size 9 1/2 shoes on, I just know that even if she and I made an arrangement to be eff-buddies, she'd catch feelings and make my life miserable if I didn't commit. When I said she brought herself to tears, I mean literally cried as she mentioned one of all those exes. Now, I'm a good therapist, but damn. I wasn't doing therapy per se--I was just making conversation.

So tell me people, is this the second coming of Glenn Close, or is this the unmedicated fearful me talking? Guys, what would you do? What have you done in the past?

Meanwhile I hadn't started my meds again until this morning, and I'd been dizzy for the past two days, which the doctor's office said was a side effect of stopping the meds so soon. Which sucks. Doc offered to have me come in to have my blood pressure checked, so evidently the meds affect my circulation in order to assist my brain. That's a little scary. And I hate being dizzy. But I like not being anxious more than that, so I re-upped.

Anyway, I need feedback on Crazy Plane Girl. Let 'er rip!


The Neighbor said...

Wow. Quite a fun plane ride.
Well, part II anyhow. Texas - home.

So the mystic. First and foremost - did you enjoy talking with her? Were you attracted to her? At first blush, there isn't much to know about a person beyond attraction. Would she fit the bill of a woman you would approach if you had limitless courage?

Your conversation with this woman was a gift from the world, or from God, or from me, maybe. I'd say you should call her at the very least. See what talking to her on the phone is like. Meet her for dinner - no need to pursue sex (and a little secret, a little restraint can have huge dividends in this regard). See if you like her first.

I cannot stress how important it is to like her first.There is nothing more awkward than sleeping with someone you don't really like. Well, afterwards anyhow. Awkward!

OK, the official Neighborly advice is: Call her up and talk to her. The fact that she was over the top with you might mean she's over the top in general, or it might mean she thinks that because you're a therapist that solving her problems is exactly what you want to do. That said, if you like her, and she's willing and into it - hell, yeah, Alan. Have some fun. If she's into your analyzing mind, invite her to set an appointment. Maybe offer a discounted rate.

And since she does seem slightly dramatic and has multiple exes already referred to, I hope condoms are a given, should the need, well, you know, arise. Herpes is forever.

I once met a girl in the morning, went out to lunch with her, went out to dinner with her, dropped her off at her apt, then picked her up two hours later for a third date in the same day. We dated for nearly a year.

I once met a girl at a keg party who wanted to show me something on the volleyball court. We dated for about twenty minutes.

I once met a girl and dated her for three years and never even touched her breasts.

To sum: your mileage may vary here, but you should call her if for no other reason than she expressed interest, and that kind of positive feedback might do you a world of good. Just be honest with yourself and with her, be responsible, and try to make sure everyone has a great time.

akakarma said...

Sorry- been busy but lurking and following along. Clinician to clinician I gotta say- follow your therapist, highly trained instincts- and run fast in the other direction! Unless you want to just get laid and somehow figure out a way to avoid getting entangled in the snares of a BiPolar Erotomanic transference?
Sorry to disagree with you neighbor, nothing personal.

GrizzBabe said...

Thoughts on your post:

1. It helped eliminate my doldrums like Raid helps kill roaches.


2. We received a press release a couple of weeks ago about a local boy who was the visual inspiration for a comic book character or he was the creator of the comic book character. Either way, he looked a LOT like the drawing they provided in the press kit. I think he was going to be at ComicCon or something or another. I wasn't interested enough to read it, and they didn't indicate if he was from our immediate area so we didn't run the release.

3. She'd swallow.

You naughty boy!

4. My first thought is this chick is closer to the second coming of Glenn Close than she is to normal. Just my 2 cents.

Alan said...

So far it's split down the middle (Childhood Bud phoned in his answer.)

2 boys say go for it.
2 girls say hide your pet bunny.
You gotta love social science.

As for myself, Lil' Alan is doing a lot of dreaming about Crazy Plane Girl. I had to squirm in my seat a few times on the subway to my evening client. Viva la testosterone!

A Shade Of Scorpio said...

Uh-kay. I'm gonna need a little time for this one. WHOA!!! Did you look aruond for Ashton??? I would've been! (You know, not that you COULDN'T get all that on your own sweet merit because we know you can!) I'm gonna get back to you on this.

How many ex husbands?? (Oh wait, I have two so I guess I can't say anything. But at least I didn't bury them.)

A Shade Of Scorpio said...

Ok wait...she doesn't know Cavey at all does she? Because this is something that only he would have in his circle of friends....

Alan said...

I don't think she does.

She has two exes as well. And she rated their sexual performances. Did I leave that part out?

Anonymous said...

I am a firm believer in not sleeping with anyone crazier that yourself. Run and don't even THINK of looking back.


PS - did you see our hero while you were on the West Coast? You were definetly missed at our last group gathering.

Alan said...

Steven makes it 3 agin, 2 for it, and 1 pending. Steven and Karma, your points are the reason why I'm asking for advice rather than having had called her already. While I've had at least one girlfriend I regret giving up, my track record largely lies with the crazies. They LOVE me. And I'm not going to lie. I love them too--at the beginning. But when the phone calls won't stop and the screaming starts ... ugh.

And to Archive--heck yes, man! I wouldn't have gone really if it weren't for that.

A Shade Of Scorpio said...

OK. I've had some time to think about it. Aren't I punctual in emergencies? At this point you could have already met up with her like five times, met her stepdad that she had a 'thing' with once when they were drunk and held her pet skunk.

Ha. Rhymes with Drunk. Too much Cavey in my aura!

So here's what I think. I am not going to hate on this girl because she wants some. Why not. Who doesn't? However, I don't dislike you at all so I'm going to say RUN in the opposite direction into someone who's past just might include a few less Museum of Natural History photos and possibly a couple less antibiotics for the "baggage".

JUDGING! I know! (Gasp! How COULD I?) But we have to make judgments constantly or else we couldn't cross the street. So, that's my opinion. You said you weren't attracted while talking to her, if you went to her zip code you'd be visiting your buddy, and well....what is just kind of flattering that this would happen to you? You know...its kind of crazy, and totally blog worthy but would you just feel like taking a skin-grating shower afterwards to get all the dirt out?

Ladies is pimps too, gowan brush ya shoulda off....

ha ha....channeling Jay Z. Completely unintentional. This is what happens when you chew a lot of gum. Or when I chew a lot of gum.

anyway, if you DO indeed want to pursue Miss Free Thangs, try to at least do a sort of intangible feeling out real quick to see if it will be an ok way to pass each other's time or if you're going to be borrowing the violin section from "Psycho".

Scott said...

You didn't say that she'd swallow?! I about spit out my iced coffee on the monitor. I hate to be shallow and so utterly male about this, but that alone is worth the price of admission. I had some of the same questions as Ned had about it, but if little Al has the inclination and the elevation, then by all means. I'm pretty sure it's going to get ugly afterwards, but a girl like that can supply a lifetime of memories for those times when you need more than just your imagination.

And of course I would love it if you were in town!

Alan said...

Aw, DAMMIT. Just when I thought I had my mind made up!

Scott the Adventurous. Ned the Bold. Weighty man-opinions. Both of whom have had a nice variety of nubile flesh pliant beneath their strong square fingers. Man-cred.

And I'm lost as a goose.

Wow, if I'd have read this a few days ago Scott--

--I will do some heavy-ass thinking tonight, and take her phone number with me. I hope I can concentrate on my client...

torent01 said...

Alan, as a relatively sane woman, I recommend that you run.


In the opposite direction.


Scott said...

Alan, be very careful. I didn't meet this girl and neither did Ned. Only you can be the judge, and certainly don't do anything based on a flip reply to a post. Use your judgement.

Alan said...

Had no idea I was so suggestive, gang?

What I missed when growing up was a group of guy peers who could have spurred me on to sowing my wild oats when they were growing in relatively safe fields. No, instead I hung around a bunch of girls and listened to their pursuits. Cowardly lovesick little mama's boy. Then to stay "safe" off I went running to church where holding hands was the Devil's Gate to heavy petting and various other greater degrees of "sin."

Yeah, I had her number in my wallet on my way to and from the Center, but all I wanted to call was MFTD and have him examine my head.

Alert's over. I'm not going to call her. The crazy ones want me and the nice ones don't.


Where was I before I was so rudely interrupted?

A Shade Of Scorpio said...

We are the collective Sally Field. We Like You. We Really like you! *sniff*!