As of this writing, I have appointments with two client cases, one this week and one next week in the counseling center. The director of the center let off the phone conversation with me so he could see another referral that he said he was going to give to me as well. So that will be three clients. So far.
From these three clients I will receive the same, if not a little more than my weekly paycheck from My Night Job.
So how to react? Well, first of all, I find I have much more confidence going into these cases than I did when I did therapy a few years ago. Back then I was getting evicted, lost my car, and had no other jobs. I subsequently stopped counseling and moved in with George.
I have a much better sense of self now and the director of the center seems to think I hung the moon in the sky. The feeling of well-being from within is most welcomed and I'd like to hold onto it for awhile. But all this "You're awesome!" stuff from outside of myself is still a little difficult to process. It still just doesn't seem like it's me they're talking about. Almost like they are projecting an image onto me that I don't really fit.
Still, I will give thanks and say things like "Yay me!" until I see what they see. Or even if I never see it. Because hey, if they think I am ... then maybe I am?
And that'd be alright then.
Secondly, I'm going to have to leave My Night Job. :( This week and last week, I was only scheduled for one or two nights to accomodate the seasonal, vacationing, returning employees. When they go back to where they came from, the hours open back up again--but I won't need them then. I'm sad to break off the relationships I've made with these young folk, but I won't miss watching them hook up, or listening to the drug talk. Nor will I miss staying one step ahead of Scullery's psychosis, or dancing back from Attention Deficit Annie's intrusion into my personal space.
I will miss my regulars. I was just about to learn The Bull's real name last week. We spoke about his poetry and his last relationship (he didn't say if it were a woman or a man, but the distinct lack of gender-mention makes me think it was a dude. Otherwise he would have said 'My Girlfriend'. Or like most guys, never would have mentioned her at all, lol. It's a shame gay people have to play this game of Truth or Consequences, but I understand the need completely. Me and that fear have been buddies for a long time until I figured some things out through therapy).
I'm going to miss Carmine Macchiato and his family. And even Won't Go Away Girl pulled out a surprising redeem with a Christmas letter of appreciation to the cafe for keeping her company all these nights. It actually touched me. She acknowledged that she listens (aka eavesdrops) to our banter and she knows she stays longer than she should, but that we have become her extended family and she really likes us. I guess she's not so bad after all.
Well, I'll be working tonight, and then I'll tell A.D.Annie to stop scheduling me. And too, I'll get someone to work for me on my therapy nights. So for a little while, I'll be working three jobs.
Play on, playa!!