When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Friday, November 2, 2007

The Wallflower

Tuesday night out in Manhattan. I did more than stand off by myself as the night went on, but there were enough outgoing partyfolk there to allow me to hide every once in while. And thus the snap.

These last two pics of me are done by a guy named Mike in this group of folks and he has a blog that has more than just me-pics, but I'm not going to post his link because I'm not ready to have him trace it back to me and this blog. I'm not ready to share it with them. I may never do.

Here's the deal, these new friends are from my Geek Life. In my Geek Life, I don't have to have drama. Geek Life is an escape from my issues. It's superheroes and fantasy and fun. For instance, I don't want to have a deep-reaching conversation with the gay guys in this geek clique the way I've had with Coaster Punchman (Mike, the picture-taker, is one of the more outspoken gay folk in this group.) I'm not ready to explore that level of relationship with people I've just met. And too, there's a part of me that thinks I might be attractive to one or more of these guys and I don't want them to think they might have a shot after reading my sexuality explorations here inblog.

I know that sounds conceited in the extreme, but I'm a guy. I know how we think. Yes ladies, if you have a platonic relationship with a dude, he is scheming to get in them pants eventually. Trust me on this.

So on that note, last night at work, I had a little conversation with The Bull as I handed off his drink to him. We are on more of a social level now, having advanced beyond the chasing-me-into-the-bathroom stage (lol). Whether you folk know this or not, Greenwich Village in NYC has a big Hallowe'en parade each year which is akin to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, except it is gay-centric. Lots of drag, lots of bondage, lots of skin goes on display all day and night. Oddly enough, if I had not known this on my own, I would have learned it from Snapper, who went last year and was eager to go again a few nights ago afterwork. No, Snapper isn't gay, he's just slow. He saw boobs last year at the parade and that's what he thought he might see again this year. Luckily a friend of his texted him during this year's parade to let him know that it "sucked", so Snapper never went. That friend probably saw one too many drag queens and not enough real.


Last night The Bull asked me how I was doing, and I let him in a little bit to the fact that I had a rotten day before I had come to work. (The which is a story in itself that I don't even want to go into at the moment. It involves the Dept. of Motor Vehicles, $12 worth of subway rides chasing down paperwork, and nothing resolved by the time I was done, SIX HOURS LATER--uccckkkhh--!)

Anyway, after I alluded to this day of mine, The Bull chimed in with how little sleep he had gotten and how he was illing as well because the night before, he had gone down to The Village to watch the Hallowe'en parade! Now, I was ready to take that as a clear and present signal of his sexuality--so much that I couldn't hide the surprise, and a little fear, on my face. (Fear because if he was telegraphing that he was gay, it was for a clear purpose--and man or woman, relationships scare me). My expression caused him to quickly say, "I've never been there before but I wanted to see what it was all about...!" If it weren't for the fact that Snapper had gone last year, I would have believed The Bull was just covering up as a reaction to my face.

But let me tell you something. My day had been so rotten yesterday that when The Bull paid me some (more) attention, and was possibly trying to find out if I was interested in him too ... dang it ... I suddenly wanted to be.

Because the whole dance I have to do with girls to get their attention, ie, run the risk of rejection, say the right thing, navigate the male/female obstacle course--I was in no mood for it. I just wanted someone I could dig, who also clearly dug me. Straight, no chaser, let's just get this thang done! That was what it felt like I was getting from The Bull. (Except of course, all the cloak-and-dagger he had to perform in order to probe my sexuality without exposing his first.)

But with a simple combination of the right vowels and consonants, I felt like I could have torn down the curtain and woken up in The Bull's bed this morning. Next to his nasty flip-flopped feet.


I'm SO not gay.

So yeah, anyway, I don't need my new friends knowing all this mess about me.


Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

LOL! Mate, we all wonder 'what if'. It doesn't mean you are gay, you were just enjoying the attention!

Coaster Punchman said...

Dude, there's so much I can say yet I don't want to be too long winded.

1. I don't think going to a Halloween parade makes a statement on sexuality at all. Thousands of people attend this annual event, most of them straight, without a second thought. Yes, gay people also participate, but if it were going to be "guilt by association" everyone living on the island of Manhattan is going to be suspected of being gay on accounta all the gays living here.

2. "Yes ladies, if you have a platonic relationship with a dude, he is scheming to get in them pants eventually. Trust me on this." Dude, what is up with this? Have you never had a female friend you like but are not attracted to? I have plenty of guy friends (gay and straight) that I want nowhere near my bed.

Furthermore, if someone is attracted to me (you can always sense it) it does make me slightly uncomfortable at first but I remind myself that I am controlling the boundaries. Meaning I could have a lifelong friendship with someone who would gladly jump my bones given the opportunity, but as long as I say "no" (if ever pressed on the issue) it's never going to happen. So why not enjoy the friendship?

Alan said...

Yes, I concede that going to the parade is not a barometer in 100% of the cases. I brought up Snapper as my example -- and given the way he's carrying on presently is even more proof that you don't have to be gay to go.

"Yes ladies, if you have a platonic relationship with a dude, he is scheming to get in them pants eventually. Trust me on this."

I must have been in a randy mood when I wrote this. It does read a little heavy-handed. I guess I should say that "If at any time the opportunity should arise, and you were willing, ladies, your platonic man friend would jump your bones. 90% of the time." :-)

You can follow the tag "My Night Job" to see how I'm progressing with The Bull. I'm fascinated by him enough to allow for a friendship if he wants it, and he seems to want to. And I can believe that I'm offbase about him, and that he doesn't want to jump my bones at all. When I find out, I'm definitely going to let readers know - even if I turn out looking like an idiot. Because, heh, I also know about a little thing called projection, and I do know that I think he's hot, so everything I'm saying about him could just be wishful thinking on my part.

But yeah, CP, I'm down for friendship. Thanks for keeping me honest. :-)