..."Here is how love was to me,
I could look and not see
Going through the emotions
Not knowing what they mean.
And it scared me so much
That I just wouldn't budge
I might have stayed there forever
If it wasn't for your touch."
I've quoted those lyrics before. It's from "You Move Me"
It's the hopeful me that brings those lyrics up. Scared is so weak and puny. I hate it. I want to do like you, Mike, and buy a rose, and get me a girl. I want to bed and breakfast her, I want her to wear Victoria's Secret for me. I want to be like you, Scott, and ... well, just be like you.
Yesterday, after I blogged, I went to Jersey and did not go to the gym. Just didn't want to. So I went to one of the eighty-eleven malls in Jersey and chucked my diet for a Mrs. Fields brownie (all week I've had to eat "soft foods" so with that came cheesecake and lemon merangue and hot dogs. So no diet last week -- or yesterday). And I went into a Borders and was attracted by the cover to a comic strip collection of For Better or For Worse. This has been a soap opera of comic proportions over the years, found in your local paper. For instance, this strip;
is of the main character Elly Patterson, and her son Michael, who according to the dialogue, is 5 years old. But in the latest strip, Michael is a married, professional author with two kids of his own. So time passes with that family, which is both awesome and awful.
Awesome because it's a unique approach, and awful because I get to watch cartoon characters live a better life than I do. Maybe that, in part, contributed to the fact that I sat in the Borders, reading about Grandpa Jim's stroke, and mopped away tears. Somehow I pulled it together (the healing power of chocolate brownies) and went to the Night Job.
Won't Go Away Girl was holding full court, visiting people at their tables. Baby Boy revealed that he is on probation for getting caught with The Chief in his car (so now I know why Snapper and he are such great friends outside of work). The Bull acknowledged me from his perch as I came to work with a macho nod of his well-shaped head, having arrived early I suspect because the school he mentioned that he attends was not in session on Veteran's Day.
But the highlight was that Carmine Macchiato came in with Lady Macchiato -- and between them was Young Macchiato!!!!! I cannot tell if the boy was his, or if Lady Macchiato had a child by another white guy, but the boy was a young blend of dark and light and they looked perfect together. Perfect like the comic strip Pattersons.
So I took my phones on break and found out Day Girl's schedule from her co-workers. She is working right now in fact, and will be off at 4:00pm.
My challenge is to find a rose before then and get it to the group home.
My first stop is the therapist's.
It's like skydiving.
My mouth is dry.