I've mentioned this girl very briefly in the past ... and that in passing. She works at my day job, but just today I've discovered that she only does part time here, as a direct care worker. Her full time job is as a computer operator elsewhere.
I discovered this because she strolled into my office and conversated with me as she has done in the past. And she has done so in the past because ... well, because she likes me. Apparently.
And me? I think she's button cute, but not roaring sexy. She doesn't do what The New Employee at my Night Job does to me. Which, in fact, last night, I caught The New Employee in her own section and queried enough about new music that she spoke to me. And then too, my lunch coincidened with her break so I got to walk with her to the timeclock and back. I exploited the chance to strike up all sorts of conversation, but nothing significant passed between us. I couldn't seem to ignite a spark.
And that's what the Day Girl and I have been sporadically having. I can tell that Day Girl likes me, and it makes me feel extremely good--but I haven't even brought her up as often as I could have because ... well, because she doesn't light my spark.
My last girlfriend was the only girl I've known who was hot and who approached me. All my other ladies, who also approached me--or at least made it clear that they wanted me to approach them--were like Day Girl. Sweet, gentle, and spunky enough to step to me. Clearly finding something in me that they like, and being bold enough to come and get some. I admire that so much that I cannot turn them away. Not only that, but given this specific opportunity, I think about what those qualities would mean in a partner. Someone who is assertive enough to approach the object of her desire, but gentle enough not to be scary.
So I was about two syllables away from asking Day Girl out -- not more than an hour ago, as of this writing. But I did not. I went as far as to ask when her days off were (although it was not related to anything we were talking about), and when she was a little flustered and trying to nail down her floating schedule, I let her off the hook by telling her that "We'll find a way to bump into each other outside of these jobs," in a non-suggestive manner.
My question -- what am I doing?
Is it acceptable to date someone who doesn't rock your socks? Should I just enjoy the moment and the attention, or hold out for fireworks? Am I setting her up for a heartbreak? Am I just being selfish?
I have some of my own answers, but I need to hear more than just my opinion. The rubber's about to meet the road if she comes back and approaches me again.
8 comments:
Thats a hard one, iam bit like you in that regards alan, i thik you should only ask out those you feel a connection too and smile a lot back at you. good luck !
A date is a date. Get some practice in! You may never know, more sparks may fly as you get to know her better! Or you just might gain a good friend, which is never a bad thing!
yeah, alan! go for it, don't be too shy -lol.
maybe she's thinking the same thing about you - "Am I setting him up for heartbreak" LOL, wouldn't that be funny?
going on a date is just two people getting out. Take her out it can't hurt. Have fun and learn a little more. Build that confidence!
I, too, think you need to give yourself a chance with this girl. It's not like you're asking her to marry you. You just want to get to know her better. Then you can make an intelligent decision about whether you want to be with her long-term. That rock-your-socks feeling can be deceptive, especially when you don't know a person.
What people used to tell me is to not be so serious. I hesitate to say the same to you. If you are capable, and by this I think about my own inability to be casual sometimes, then you should go out with her. There was a girl I used to basically have sex with, and I told her point blank that's all it was, and she played along. But mostly she was very much in love with me, and when I found someone I wanted to be serious with, I broke her heart when I ended it. I'm very glad however that I was with her for the time that I was. Never has anyone been so giving to me, not wanting anything in return (or at least not complaining when she got nothing). It sounds awful I know, but I still think about her.
Missed you, man! Scott, that's one of my fears--that I'm going to be with her just for myself only, and not for her at all.
It'd be awesome if, like SolarisG is suggesting, she's thinking the same thing -- and that we basically are heading toward each other for the same reason.
Then we could blissfully use each other until we're both used up.
But that's not my experience with The Better Half. Both with my ladies, ladies I've had as great friends, and ladies who I've read and who read me -- they want more eventually.
And I don't want to be the kind of guy who will just text a lady for a booty call (referred to in (ViViViVoom's blog). I want to be the kind of guy you are, Scott -- and Mike too. I want to be sensitive. That's what I admire the most about you guys--you can be both sensitive and kick-ass at the same time. All footbally and rock-climby, and at the same time caring about the women in your lives, and reaching out to basket cases like me.
And yup, Scott, the fact that you told this story proves that it mattered to you. That she mattered to you--even if ultimately she wasn't going to be your wife. I can't fault you for that.
And if I can accept it, even embrace it in you, that I guess I can do the same thing for myself. I need to be both honest and casual. I guess I should just go into this as someone who wants to enjoy himself. Inherently, I'm not going to set out to hurt her.
Being with me is going to make it a nice time for her, because I'm a nice guy. I'll treat her right, even if I don't wind up marrying her.
Yeah. Thanks you guys...
I just popped over from Scott's blog. A hundred years ago, I went out with a guy I didn't feel that attracted to when I first met him but my feelings changed after a few dates. So your feelings might change when you get to know her.
However, I found out he was a true jerk in the end. I was a teenager, working at store with a bunch more teens at night. Several of us girls went to a hamburger place during our dinner break. Two of the girls were black. He saw us together and dumped me. I had no idea he was that racist!
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