When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Other News ...

My Colleague is still show me interest. When I told MFTD how that party had turned out, he was astounded. "What was THAT all about, she brought her BOYFRIEND?" And then he asked the magic question, "Could you have misinterpreted the signals?"

Well, yes. I could have. But the fact are as I stated them. She had been nervous around me, she had initiated conversation about my life outside of the center, and she had let me talk her into going to the party. Then at my showing up late, she had expressed disappointment (in a great, funny way), she had been standing apart from her boyfriend, I did have to ask who he was, and she was standing closer to me than him until they left. And she had leaned her head to my shoulder when she laughed. So, yes, I could have misinterpreted all that, but if I did, it will take a while to figure out what she was actually doing.

And now, last night, she saw me leaving the office, when she was leaving, and she waited for me. She joked with me about her birthday and what I wrote on her card (which was open to all members of the staff). We rode down in the elevator, laughing. And we stood on the sidewalk in the chilly air while she waited for her ride (who was most likely her boyfriend). So whatever might be happening, I can't tell. It sure SEEMS like she digs me and wants out of her present relationship.

So complicated.

Are gay people this complex? According to the tribulations I read from Former Pastor (who also Twitters) the answer is yes. People don't just come out and say what they want these days. Including me.

Oh well. I'm taking suggestions from the audience. :-D


The Neighbor said...

I think all people are that complex, and pointedly, that insecure. See, the problem I have with your co-worker (just my .02) is that she's NOT single. So when she flirts with you, if that's what she's doing, she's being emotionally unfaithful. In my observation, that's typically a sign of a deeper issue. I'm going through some of that with my recurring interactions with Daisy - it's almost as though she needs to feel attractive to someoen else in order to feel good about herself. I can respect that on some level - we all want to be found attractive - but we also need to be good with ourselves, by ourselves. Otherwise, we have very little to offer, and alternately, very little that we can truly expect. 1+1=2, not 1+1=1.

I dunno. I would love for you to find a someone who floats your boat, loves you for who you are, and has absolutely no complications, but then, this is the world we live in.

Alan said...

See how this works?

"See, the problem I have with your co-worker (just my .02) is that she's NOT single. So when she flirts with you, if that's what she's doing, she's being emotionally unfaithful."

I would have seen that for anyone else except myself. Because exactly as you said, we like to be thought of as attractive. I would take flirtation from an emotionally unfaithful woman and totally ignore her unfaithful parts just to fill up this hole inside me.

Do you notice how we both want the same things for one another, Ned? Even though we know complications are the order of the day? I just can't help feeling like you'll get yours way before I'd get mine. I've been at this for a long time and man, has it been one dry, painful slog. Any little glimmer of light and I chug at it like a freight train. Then it winks out and I'm just spinning my wheels in the dark again.

Ah well. That's how I feel now. It could change in the next half hour, with the next conversation with the next wonderful new person.

Thank you, my dude. Thanks for responding. Gosh, am I ever grateful for you.