I started this as a response to S*, and then it exploded out of the petrie dish and squidged across the floor, eating a lab assistant on its way out of the reinforced doors. (Don't worry, Larry died bravely.)
Well where were you back when I hit puberty? :D
Let me make myself clear; my blog is the place I come to do process. So what you see here is me in transition. I'm not looking for excuses to stay the way I am -- I blog to help myself move forward.
All the "stop pitying yourself and move on" is helping, but not enough. I get it that I need to move on with my life. That's why I'm blogging, because I know that.
What I think would help me a little more is to hear something more specific as to how to move on. That is also why I go to therapy. I need a "how to". It's funny in a not-really kind of way, but if I had a patient who came to me with my problem, I'd be able to think it through better for him than I can for myself. Either that, or I'd refer the guy out to another therapist.
Another thing I want to make clear is that I'm not content to pity myself. Pity is not what I want from anyone or from myself.
What I'm looking for is strength. I want the thing that seems to get inside of most people and propels them into relationships, for better or worse.
To that end, I am using the good examples that have been coming into my life in the form of
heroes. <--This link will take you to my more postive process of acknowledging strength so that I may try to acquire it.
When I have less than stellar days, and when I can't find the mechanism to bridge the gap between what I am and what I see in my heroes, I come here to get it out of my system.
But I will tell you something else I got from my therapist--she said that maybe I should just pretend I have the qualities that I'm looking for until I feel like I actually have them. She also suggested that maybe that was how my heroes got to where they are too.
What do you guys think? Is that a "how to"? I'd really like your responses to this one.