...here it comes. Yes, I know it's not ALL women and it was unfair to make a blanket statement as the title of the last post. Sorry for that. Might as well leave it alone though, because it's what I was feeling and it's a cliche that works for the sentiment of the post.
Meanwhile, I'm rifling through Craiglist for rental situations and I got two invitations to come see apartments and now I'm feeling the pressure and fear mounting, like a wave. Mostly I'm happy I'd be leaving George's place, but here comes the 'what ifs' provided by my old nemesis Worst-Case Scenario Man (who powered himself up by the energy of the holleration in last posts' comments). And the what ifs make me want to cancel the invitations, stay here, and hide under the covers.
What if they reject me after just meeting me, and I don't get the apartment?
What if the new roommate hates me after two months and starts yelling at me?
Yes. What if. What if I have to spend night after night feeling as lousy as I do right now? What if.
What if I were a normal person?
What if I never got myself into this mess in the first place?
What if I were 30 again?
What if I already lived with a person who loved me?
What if I had been raised by a person who loved me?
What if I were never born.
What if I just disappear.