Doing This

Today I'm getting with Grim, with no one around but me and him. And I'm telling him.

Worst Case Scenario; he bludgeons me to death and hides my body in his basement. From his point of view, he'll have done it as an act of mercy because he is so diametrically opposed to homosexuality and feels it's a birth defect like mental retardation that can never be cured.

Best Case Scenario; He admits he's gay too, one quite like me in fact--closeted and attracted only to the roughest butchest of the lot. Then he snogs my brains out and tears my clothes off.

I suspect this will land somewhere in the middle. He'll hear it, respect it, but then the friendship will go cold and stale with him realizing he just doesn't have enough in common with me anymore, and he's not ready to be close to someone who has such a radically different lifestyle (potentially).

In other news, I went out for face-to-face meeting-type socialization with some comicbook-liking folks in my neighborhood! The ones who I introduced myself to as "liking guys, a lot" at the neighborhood messageboard. So if any of them cared or have good memories, they were meeting me already as a person who said he's most likely a gay dude. Vague enough?

So they either thought, as I was sitting there, "this guy's gay, right?" or they were thinking nothing of the sort because they didn't remember my little epilogue. Nice and ambiguous, the way I like it.

But that's not going to happen today with Grim. Because as afraid as I am of this mess, I'm stuck as stuck can be and I need to move. I don't wait for anything else in my life--I get impatient and depressed when I can't make stuff happen that I need, so what is more important than a prime human relationship? How much longer am I going to deny myself this basic human tenet? Who was meant to be alone on planet Earth? Who was born with no sex drive, no ability to be attracted to another person?

Well, not this kid. Grim might not be The One For Me, but he's a little too skinny anymore, anyway. There are some fine. ass. men. out there in this city, and I want one.

If I'm ever going to be an active participant in the search for Mine, then I'm going to have to be gay 24-7, because somewhere in those hours and days, somewhere outside of this closet--that's where he is.