When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Monday, December 8, 2008

Okay, See, Now I KNOW I'm Crazy

Because one little fact has changed my whole perception of a man I had high esteem for. I mean, unless I'm not alone in this which I hope and pray I'm not, haven't you ever formed a picture of a person in your mind and there it lived, happy as a lark--until something came along and spoiled the whole thing? The picture in your head crumples like Saranwrap on a hot skillet?

Well if that's the case for you, then have a seat before I type my next sentence.

Barack Obama is a two-decade long smoker.

A SMOKER?!?!?!?!!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?!!!!

You mean all the while he was at Harvard, or Yale, or wherever the hell, and being brilliant and blowing Michelle's back out with that brotherly love, and being a Daddy to two of the cutest First Girls that America has ever had, HE HAD A CANCER STICK DANGLING OUT OF HIS MOUTH?!? Cigarette smoke clouding up the rooms he's in? Clothes smelling like dirty ashtrays? Standing outside in the freezing cold like a moron sucking on a coffin nail and squinting against the acid fumes curling back in his face like a scorpion's tail?

Y'all think I'm joking, but this is a serious crimp in my fantasy world. Smoking is just not smart. It's a stinky habit. And it denotes dependency. A crutch. When has a President of the United States ever been a smoker? Even George Bush was never seen in the back doorway of the White House with a cigarette!

I ... I ... just ...

oh Obama. Come ON. I thought you were a smart man!

Here's the article from whence this horrible news flows.

And for all my readers who smoke ... I still love you. But smoking? Dudes and chicks. COME on. Even you know you need to quit. Give yourself a raise in these fierce economic times and say no to big tobacco. You work too hard for your money to be giving it away to an industry that exists solely to kill you (and me).

Obama?

Oh my God.

6 comments:

The Neighbor said...

How did you not know this? How does anyone not already know this? I blame selective reporting.

I smoked cigarettes for 19 years. Trust me, he can quit if he wants too.

Anyhow, yeah, he should quit, and cigarettes should face the same regulation as alcohol if left legal at all. It's dangerous and ultimately fatal, period.

Alan said...

Selective reporting is De Debbil!! You know had a point when he said the press was doing it's damndest (sp??) to make Obama look good and McCain look bad. Did McCain smoke? Did Palin? According to the article, Gerald Ford smoked. I didn't even know THAT.

Well ... I guess I can't blame a man for using a crutch ... but I particularly hate the cigarette as a crutch or as anything.

And if the press wanted Obama to look bad, all they would have had to do is flash a pic of Obama with a ciggie hanging from his lips. Hell, when they were after Britney, they did it!

The mind reels. It REELS I tell you!!!

And a big hug to you for quitting, Ned. I know what a habit feels like (sugar, anyone?) and I salute anyone who can kick their's with 100% success. This goes for weight-loss champs too.

GrizzBabe said...

Here's another little not-so-secret secret: Martin Luther King was a smoker too. At the Civil Rights Museum here in Memphis, where they have preserved the room where he stay, there are ashtrays filled with cigarettes.

Alan said...

Well DAMNNNNN!!!!!!

LOL. You know, I can give a pass to people who did the dirt in the 70's and beforehand. There wasn't a lot of education about the Evils of Smoking. Hell, take it back to the 50's and commercials used to tell us (them) that 7 out of 10 doctors recommended Brand X cigarette for that "smoother, gentler" feel.

But Obama ain't but 3 years older than me. If I know they are De Debbil then I damn sure know HE knows.

O-BA-ma...! Come ON, dude ... REPRESENT!

Kathleen said...

My boss just found out that Obama is a smoker, too, so you were not alone. I knew, and while I hate smoking and wish they'd freaking ban it here in Michigan in bars & restaurants, I don't hate people who smoke. I do, however, find that I make snap judgements about people who do smoke. Isn't that horribly rude?

Alan said...

Kathleen, I guess as long as you don't stand screaming obscenities at the people you judge, then you're allowed to have whatever thoughts you have. I'm sure we all judge people based on the visual, to one degree or another. I blame society, lol.