There's a "Getting To Know You" meme circulating amongst my audio producting brethren and sistren. I am avoiding filling it out just as not to depress the living bejeezus out of the recipients. It asks you to share questions such as "Natural or Artificial Tree?" "Favorite Christmas Food?" "Home or Away?" "Gift Bags or Wrapping?"
Er, hrmm. A series of N/A's would be way too Charlie Brown for my tastes. MFTD wants me to come to his parents for Christmas Dinner and I resist for the same reason I changed my mind on Thanksgiving. This being "The Other" is getting on my nerves. This time of the year is so oppressive. Families EVERYWHERE. Toddlers riding on the shoulders of dads. Christmas specials as far as the eye can see.
Last night my laptop went mute. It had to be a static shock that traveled from my fingertip, through the earphone, into the comp audio connections, and fried something. Because one second it was working. Then I took the earphones out to help a fellow therapist (I was in the middle of downtime and took the opportunity to mix more audio for the show) and when I put the earphones back in, only one ear was working correctly, and the laptop speakers not at all. Audio production came to a screeching halt. SO depressing.
Then today I had to go to the prescribing doctor for my medication. I had to sit in the exan room by myself for about twenty minutes. I took my shoes off and lay down while I waited. And I thought of Grim's girlfriend, who is now died. And I thought of my mother, who has done the same, about 17 years ago now. And I thought of the absence of anyone in the waiting room waiting for me. And I thought how miserable it is to be alone sometimes. And I thought of my mortality. And of the grey blanket of sky over all of us. And the naked trees. And colorless world. And I wanted to cry, but I didn't because I'm on my meds.
So when the consultantion was done and I got my re-up prescription, I went to Best Buy to treat myself to an early Christmas. I got a flatscreen comp monitor for my desktop at home, which is the only reason I ever bought a laptop in the first place. (The laptop was cheaper than a new monitor at the time). And I bought a router for the same desktop. Nothing's wrong with the soundcard in the desktop. And I bought a 4 gig thumbdrive to use as the audio work harddrive.
So there.
And now I have to do a training at the siite where The Crush works. I may just chat her up today. Why not? What do I have to lose? MORE aloneness?
2 comments:
I haven't done any shopping at all. I'm just not feeling it this year, but I know time is short and I need to do it sooner rather than later.
I have my doubts about your laptop sound. I bet something is physically wrong with the headphone jack. I'd mess around with it and a wooden toothpick and see if it doesn't come around.
If you didn't cry, then I suspent your meds have you zombied out - that's totally legit, and in my opinion, it's feelings like those that actually motivate us to make changes in our lives. And if you don't feel them, then you won't be motivated and nothing will change. I am all about being medicated to alleviate a debilitating feeling, but when you're drugging up to accept a shitty circumstance that you could totally change, then it's over the line in my book.
Of course, I'm chomping at the bit to get out there. Riiiight.
I did that meme...I had to qualify at the end that I'm not really a Scrooge. ;-) The extent of my Christmas decorating (which is not yet done) is a silver bell wreath on the front door. I'm so festive.
Nobody is ever waiting in the waiting room for me. The only time it bothered me was a couple of years ago when I was having some semi-invasive procedures done to try to discover the source of my dysfunction...nothing was found, of course. It just seemed as if I should have had a significant other out there caring...
Then again, life is so much simpler when you don't have to worry about another person and if they're going to like this movie or that for dinner, etc. Or maybe I'm just too darn selfish.
Post a Comment