MFTD's birthday was precisely what I thought it'd be. Minus all but one brother. A girlfriendless brother. So that was nice.
But it was Americana at its best. MFTD didn't cry when I gave him my gift, but he did buy a house.
Thank God for my meds.
So I bemoaned my sad featureless fate to my other friend, late last night (well, he asked), and he leapt to my rescue. He did something on a personal level (as opposed to a professional one) that I've really only gotten here in print--he said nice things about me. I've mentioned this friend before, and he has a Name that I gave him here at Redeemable Life (and a tag I can use to categorize this post) but I won't use it.
Because he has become a real friend. The friend I wanted him to be when I first met him. He's that kind of friend. And often I asked myself, "What does he want to be MY friend for?" I mean, I knew why I wanted to be HIS friend, but I didn't understand the reciprocation. Until last night. Because of the things he said to me.
I was listening to NPR yesterday afternoon, before I learned that MFTD bought a house, and it was Teri Gross on "Fresh Air" talking to a Lincoln historian about the possibility that Lincoln was gay because of a friendship he had with a man named Speed. In letters between the two, very affectionate words were found that seemed above the limits of hetero-ness. But the historian pointed out the texts of other manletters back in Lincoln's day where men would pour out their feelings for one another without the stigma of sexual identity or interpretation. What they felt, they said.
And that's the friend that I'm talking about. He says what he feels, good or bad, right or wrong. So I believed him when he told me my worth and my potential--and of his affection for me. And it isn't as if you guys haven't told me the same--but there seems to be a difference between the written word and the spoken word. I hear the heart behind the voice. And I really. REALLY. needed it last night.
I love my friend.
So NutriMe is 187 lbs. now, making my weight loss up to 10 lbs. I have been cheating, just not crazily so, and not getting to the gym as often as I'd like since my boss (The Director of our department) is on vacation--entering week two of it--and I'm now the acting director. Thankfully, I haven't had to actually work harder, but the potential is there and it keeps me on my toes.
Again, thank God for my meds.
All this pressure and failure to perform in the adult arena would have hit me a LOT harder this time last year. My friend helped me see that and a bunch of things more. Like how it's a good thing that I feel dissatisfied. For if not, I'd never change. But I am dissatisfied, and I am going to change. I've got 20 more lbs. to go, and a full time job to replace. He asked me what my wishes would be if I got hold of a Ring of Three Wishes. It didn't take me long to answer.
1) To Get Rid All My Debt.
2) To Own (so that the only payments I had to make were utilities) An Apartment in Midtown Manhattan.
3) To Not Want A Significant Love In My Life.
What would yours be?