When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Another Message In A Bottle

Because Match.Com isn't direct enough.

So yeah, I like to look at the nice men at a site called "something-or-othermuscle" Most of that name I made up, but not the muscle part. Because that's the part I like, of course. That muscle.

So it's a social networking site that features most prominently the pictures of how buff and wonderful the participants are, and they get to leave "I Likes" for one another, and they give out other details like their cities, their height, their weight, and all sorts of other details. And yes, THOSE details too. In fact more than half of those profiles and pics are pornographic. The lads love to show off their naughty bits.

With that kind of frank openness, I feel like I know what I'm dealing with. And too, I feel like I know what I want. I want to live as unashamed of my body and my sexuality as they seem to do. (Also they might just be exhibitionist freaks with damage in the restraint centers of their brains).

But I happened upon a connected pair of profiles, one amazing looking man who has a zipcode near me but no e-mail to use, and his "buddy" who has a very open profile link to a Facebook page where he reveals his professional side AND his orientation. HIS FB profile has a link and an e-mail address. And to backtrack a few steps, neither of their "something-or-othermuscle" profiles show pornography. Nothing more pornographic than you'd see in a underwear catalog, anyway.

And so, I went in. I'm hooked. Again. And to the professional one, I wrote the following e-mail (and I will censor the names, lest a google search opens me up to them before we ever meet. Not that I have anything to be ashamed of HERE. And actually, it would save time to let them see it...but in due time).

So here, read this;

"I don't know if I should call you, XXX, XXXXXXX, or Dr. XXXXXX, but whichever you prefer--hello!

"My name's Alan. I'm a 45 yr old black male New Yorker and I browse the (something-or-othermuscle) profiles pretty regularly. I've reached out to a few fellow New Yorkers there with no success so far. Given your Facebook link, I'm hoping that you might be open to a little communication from a guy who is seeking clarity on life and "the pursuit of happiness" whatever that means.

"I am currently a therapist in midtown Manhattan, (definitely not living as well as that might sound), and have also realized within the last four years that I'm gay. Being late to the life means, of course, that 95% of my friends are "straight" (jury's out on a few) and I don't know where I fit in with them anymore. I suppose it might go a little better if I were just to come out to everyone I know and let me friends accept or reject me accordingly, but all the repression and shame that I've been taught from my teen years makes that the hardest task ahead of me.

"So I'm writing to you for a few reasons. At the very least I'm looking for a pen pal who could offer some encouragement through opinion or shared experiences. At best, I could gain a new friend or a whole group of peers to help me into this new identity so I can get along with the rest of my life, and possibly do some good as a result. Now, of course, the guys on (something-or-othermuscle) are my types of guys. Prime example is the guy, XXXXXXX XXXX, whom you're buddied with and who doesn't seem to take e-mails. I definitely know I'm gay when I see his body. But finding you through his profile seems also like a win because you might be more willing to respond than have others. So I guess I was drawn to send you this e-mail on all kinds of levels. I suppose, whatever else could come from contact like this is yet to be seen. It's certainly new territory for me.

"So, yeah. I guess that's pretty much it. I have more online info about who I am and what I do that I can share if you want to know whether I'm a spambot, or want to know what I look like, or whatever. I figure that's only fair, right? Oh! Also I work out at NYSC too, usually in spots around midtown, mostly at 73rd near CPW because afterward it's a nice walk across the Park to work when I'm done. Or vice versa.

"Right. So. Here I go sending out my message in a bottle.

"Hope to hear from you. Thanks.


What do you think about that, Dear Readers? Biggest Mistake Ever or About Damn Time?


GrizzBabe said...

I'm the trusting sort, so I think it's good that you reached out. Sometimes, you have to take a risk. And sometimes the benefit is in the actual taking of the risk rather than the outcome. In any event, I hope a mutually beneficial friendship will result. Fingers crossed!

Erica M. said...

Have you heard back? Always remember to include your best photo. Maybe keep the note short so it doesn't overwhelm, but I loved every word you wrote. Waiting!

Me said...

Yeah, that was a bit of a ramble, wasn't it? I should have let Twitter teach me something about brevity by now.

I'll be reaching out again, I'm sure--but ol Doc hasn't responded.

Minnesota Mamaleh said...

well hello! i'm visiting from erica's (hi erica!) and am currently back-reading but had to stop here. i love (seriously LOVE) your letter. your open-ness, your sincerity and your lack of game-playing. i'm hoping that you got a response? and unabashedly, i'd um- really like to know what it said?

and last, but not least, on the fb sleuthing bit. i'm thinking if it's out there to be seen, then it is and honestly? don't we all sleuth? isn't that why we have fb, twitter, blogs, etc and not just e-m or the totally and completely outdated *phone?!*

and...that would be enough! it was fun taking a peak at your world!