When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Friday, April 30, 2010

I Hurt My Friend

So I go into my geek internet hangout and got all shouty and preachy last night, and called out one of my favorite dudes--one of the thimbleful to whom I came out of the closet, mind you. I challenged him on the idea of elitism. He didn't verbalize how upset I had made him, but he did withdraw from the forums for the evening with a statement that indicated how he felt.

So of course, now I'm upset. I don't regret my opinion, I just regret the sledgehammer with which I delivered it. There are some truths out there that people aren't ready for. And there are some comparisons that aren't fair to make. I'm guilty of doing both to one guy who really didn't deserve it from me.

It's just that the term "I'm better than" sets off alarms for me and it calls up images that scare me and threaten me. I didn't want that to be true of my dude, so I rang the bells and called him out. And his reaction seems to indicate that I touched a nerve.

But I need to let him have that. His sense of superiority put him where he is now and keeps him successful in his field. I also think it's a character flaw and that career success isn't so important that it should allow you to look down on anybody. But that's why I'm not a sports fan. I'm clearly a hippie, in fact. Still, this guy has never shown anything but love to me--so why did I let his character flaw threaten me? Did I think he was going to go get a rope and a white hood and lynch me?

Ahhh! I just hope he can recover. I hurt him. I sold him short. I've asked him to forgive me. I hope he accepts.


Me said...

He accepted. He said, "it cut me to the quick..." I told him in the same public forum how very sorry I am did that to him.

I think it's all good now.

I found I've done that before to My Friend The Doctor. Anytime a white guy acts a little too superior, I'm all ready to cut them off at the knees. That's just not right. I need to trust my white brethren have the best intentions. They wouldn't be my friends if they didn't.

And let's not get it twisted. Superiority of any kind is still not an acceptible concept to me. All shit stinks.

I just don't have to judge my friends so harshly when they might feel superior. If I want them to hear me, I have to communicate better.

That is all, really.

For now.

GrizzBabe said...

I'm all for saying the truth in love, but sometimes, no matter how gentle you are or how loving your words, the truth still hurts. I don't know if it's possible to experience much in the way of a change of heart without a little knick here and there.

Glad to hear everything worked out.