When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

"I Deserve This Sexy"

That's what Fringes said at her place when she told readers that her size 4 jeans were falling off her butt.

I LIKED that!

Because I've been strutting my stuff in front of my mirror too! Today I finally made that bitch of a scale say my name! "186!" it said, clear as a bell. 30 official pounds have been shed since Jan 5th.

Last week I was at the gym in shorts and only my black athletic t-shirt (and socks and sneakers). I've never before worked out in public in just an underwear t-shirt. Other, thicker, "outerwear" t-shirts always, but never a common Hanes t-shirt. This time I did, actually because I forgot the other kind at home. And this was following a day where I felt fat and unattractive and just yucky. What a difference a day made.

Day before yesterday, I came up with something that for some reason I hadn't at all considered. It's this; even though I like to blog 99% of my business out, and Tweet 75% of the same, I actually don't have to declare JACK.

All my friends to whom I haven't told about my sexuality--never need me to. Whether they want to know or not. Whether they would care or not. I don't have to tell them anything! I'm not a war that needs open declaration!

After all, they don't tell ME the saucy details of THEIR shtup life! So why they have to know mine?? When did I assume THAT responsibility?

And the corollation goes thusly; I can go get my freak on without worrying who knows and who doesn't. Because if I'm ever 'found out', or if I ever get one 'a dem lurve connections and my smoky hot man wants to come to a comic convention with me, I don't have to feel guilty at all. At all.

Here's how it'll go;

Friend; "So who's your buddy?"
Me; "This is my dude, Rick." Rick pecks me on the cheek. Or maybe the mouth. Because Rick is never ashamed of who he is. And he thinks I'm hot too.
Later, when Rick has gone--
Friend; "So ... dude, you're GAY??"
Me; "Yeah? Is that a problem?"
Friend; "But ... what about Corinne Bailey Rae? And Ciara? I thought you loved them?"
Me; "Ciara's hot, and if Corrine ever entered my life, I surely would try to make a go of it, but nah dude. Generally guys turn me on. Always have, as long as I could remember."
Friend; "Hmm. Just ... I don't know...I had this whole image of you!"
Me; "Yeah, no."
Friend; "But why didn't you ever say so?"
Me; "Didn't seem appropriate at the time. We never really talked about sex, have we? I mean, not really."
Friend; "I guess not ... really."
Me; "And if you would have asked me point blank, I guess I would've told you. But you never did. I mean, I've never asked you when the last time was you had sex. I never thought you really wanted to get that intimate with me."
Friend; "Fair enough. I guess it does make sense in a way."
Me; "So again, is this a problem for you?"
(And as I suspect, those who are really my friends will say--); "Dude, what's changed? Be who you are. You'll always be my friend."

As others have already done.

I'ma have a sixpack by June.
I deserve this sexy.


Coaster Punchman said...

You're too sexy for your shirt. (Isn't there a song about that?)

Erica M. said...

Great post and not just because I was its partial inspiration. Get after it, Me!

GrizzBabe said...

Thirty pounds?!? Way to go!!! Believe you me, I know how hard it is. You deserve ALL accolades thrown your way. You wear that t-shirt OUT, stand naked in the frozen food section, whatever! You deserve to enjoy this moment of triumph.

And I like your convo. You're right. Everybody doesn't have to know everything about you.

Me said...

YOU'VE lost more than 60, didn't you Grizz?