When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Saturday, August 1, 2009

And I Thought I Was STRAIGHT?!

Mother & Son Plus Some
Look at me in my turtleneck. No WONDER I never got laid!! God what a joke. Clearly I am now and have always been insane. And obviously gay.

Anyway, I got this picture from my Aunt, who I told y'all about in June. As she had described, she put together a tribute DVD to her brother Marduke and now I have a copy of one, so I captured a lot of screenshots and posted them as Flick'r pics. I tell a story in those pics, and some other, more upbeat self-discoveries at Flick'r so you might want to go give those a scan. In summary, it turns out that I'm a lot more proud of my family than I thought I'd be.

I went to see my aunt last night to make good on the promise I made her before I went off to the comics convention and Ned. Eliel, perk up--SHE LIVES (and has lived since the 70's) TWO BLOCKS FROM CARLTON AVENUE. She owns a brownstone that is EXACTLY like your old one in architecture. And I do mean exact, as in the steps are on the same side of the house, etc.

Eliel, when I went to visit you those times, my aunt was withoin walking distance all along. And not only that, but in the 70's she was able to purchase a brownstone, and she's been raising two boys in it for 30 years. Now, as you know Eliel, the neighborhood has become one of those trendy gentrified Brooklyn nabes. And my aunt is sitting pretty. I had no idea. Not many other, if any, can say they are as successfully adult as this aunt of mine. And I'm SO glad to be able to have another connection to that neighborhood because I was starting to REALLY dig it before you moved out of there, Eliel. Still mad at you for that!

Anyway, visiting my aunt turned out to be the best case scenario. She welcomed me as though I'd never left. Just like her mother did when I lived in Harlem the first time (happy to say, I found the original post where I mention her mother, and her brother Marduke). And she's doing better than me, but I'm doing okay as well, which means I can visit her again and there will be no agendas between us. I won't be trying to sponge off her, she won't be trying to sponge off me.

The only wrinkle right now is that I haven't disclosed my last ten years to her. Last she knew, and I reconfirmed that her memories are true, that I went out to Missouri to become a preacher. So she wants to know what church I "go" to. I tell her the last church I attended, but not the fact that I haven't gone back in years and that I'm trying to first come to terms with being "Big Gay Al" before I find a new church to start visiting/attending.

But this woman has seen me growing up. She knows I have no girlfriend now, in my forties. She HAS to know that I'm not straight. And I want to have that talk with her. I want the love of family in my life again, as I am now.

And it seems like I'm going to have it.

If my aunt accepts me ... well ... a gift of God, is what that is. And even if I'm NOT straight, God might still be working in my life.

Which is really REALLY okay with me.


GrizzBabe said...

God is indeed working in your life.

Eliel Mamousette said...

Firstly, I seem to recall you broke a bone in your hand, not your whole arm. And I seem to recall it was one of those boyhood stupid things as well. I think you were the first person on our bus to sport a cast and you got some props for it.

Secondly, I'm not looking back at Fort Greene in the same way you are. When your neighborhood gets so trendy that a real estate agent wouldn't even show you your own home if you came-a-lookin', it's time to bounce. Also, I have this to do these days.

3rdly, both EFLP and I do not think that the look is Teh Gay™. Dude. It was the 70's....

Alan said...

Good remembering. It was in my hand. So this was during the January while I attended Kakiat, because while in the cast, one of our schoolmates took the opportunity to punch me in the mouth when we were all jostling through the doors. I hated him madly for years after that. He had rotted teeth and puffy, bloated eyelids. If you remember him, don't type out his name.

And this WAS January because we only gathered every year at Aunt Martha's house on New Year's Day.

Do you remember Peter, there? The little boy in blue? This may have been his first year in our house.

Eliel Mamousette said...

How could I forget Peter?

In retrospect, I never did tell you how much his relationship with your mother creeped me out the older we got, did I?

Yet more proof that in no way shape or form did you have it easy.

Alan said...

One of the creep factors is that he had schizophrenia. Real life, textbook case of the paranoia kind. He needed meds and when he didn't get them, he'd run away or scream at her for poisoning his food or actually eat beans unheated from cans. Textbook.

If anything else was going on twixt the two of them ... well ... just yuck ... but it's not surprising or even traumatizing. Mom had mental illness(es) too.

Life's like this; if a person had it EASY growing up? Oh, what they've missed. (partially joking)

Danielle said...

ok... I remember Peter too--even though I had totally forgot he ever existed. Actually I came on here to say WHAT AWESOME PICTURES!!! Especially the one with the turtleneck. I dare you to find a child growing up in NY who did NOT wear a turtleneck. Gay-seriously Alan? Let it go.

Danielle said...

Part 2 about the picture of your Mom. That is such a great picture, I can actually hear her laughing through that picture. She had the best laugh...

Alan said...

Bless your heart, Danielle.

Now. Just go down a few entries. It's called "Adventures In Gayville." And for the in-depth analysis, go to the side column under "Topic-Nav" and click on "Sexuality (42)" which will take you to the 42 posts in which I've batted around the idea of my sexuality.

Then call your brother and find out his take on the sitch.

Dude. I'm gay.

Danielle said...

w/e! You're a great writer with a vivid, colorful imagination who's frustrated with his life and singleness.

Either way, that turtleneck still has nothing to do with your sexuality.

Alan said...

Okay, you're right.

The turtleneck really doesn't have anything to do with my sexuality.

Alan said...

Oh, Danielle, YOU were with me and the crowd that day in Kakiat when that scumbag punched me in the mouth! Do you remember? We were laughing and crowding into the doorway, pushing and jostling, and you were saying, "Scuse me ...! Scuse me ...!" Then all of a sudden, BAM! I saw stars. And Ronald Rollins jumped in the middle and said, "Yo, man! He got a cast on his hand!" Remember Ronald had that weird voice, but nobody messed with him because he could REALLY fight?! And the f*ckwit bully bastard backed down immediately when Ronald jump to my rescue.

Yeah. That little guy next to his laughing Mom ... he had to go through all that. And more.

Danielle said...

I totally don't remember that incident but we all had those crazy incidents -- like the time this girl (whose name I don't remember) punched me on the bus... I used to think I was the only one who didn't have fond memories of my childhood but having reconnected with so many people from SV who have expressed the same kinds of feelings has really helped to make me feel less isolated in my dysfunctionality.