MT Detroit--And They Lived Happily Ever After

Mike, My Adult Hero, has decided to go offline. His blog began when he was torn apart by doubts and fears from his wife who was giving all the signs of being unfaithful. When it all hit the fan, Mike reached out to we readers for support, and so many came through for him. Tonight, Mike has a new fiancee and a baby on the way. He's no longer "Starting Over"-- He's "Doing"

He asked me to post the following message for him. I think he'll probably read this afterwards, so if you'd like to give him your well wishes, feel free to use this comments section.


Hi guys,

I asked Alan to post this. If you go to my site you will see it is gone. I am leaving blog land for good. That can't be much of a surprise to anyone. I am rarely online anymore. I can't tell you how much I appreciate everyone of you and what you did for me to get me through the dark times.

I gave B the ring Sunday. She told me it was the best date she has ever had and could ever have. Leading up I told her that we were going to have a day long date, but gave her no clue what that meant. I wrote poetry for each part of the date before hand with a sketch that I drew of rings printed as a background on the paper. The poetry told her what were about to do and how to dress. I also mixed stanzas about how I loved her. Each letter she got had a different ring background progressing towards the final ring.

The first letter she got told her that we would be going to park and to dress casual. I picked her up at 11:00 and we had lunch in the park and fed the extra food to the ducks. After lunch I gave her a letter telling her we were about to get naked with other people. I scheduled a couples massage at a spa. It was really relaxing, and intimate. After the massage was over and the masseuses left the room we made out a bit while getting our clothes on. HOT! We went back home changed into jeans and she got another letter. We drove out to the country for horseback riding. Horseback riding does nothing for me, but she loves horses. The next letter told her she was too dirty and to go home, take a shower, and put a dress on. By then it was dinner time and I drove her to an expensive restaurant. When the meal was done I gave her the last letter. It had the 3D computer image of the ring in the background. It ended with "so look me in the eye and hold that pose, so that I know that it is time propose". When she looked at me I saw a tear. I kneeled down and recited one last poem that I wrote and memorized. I then gave her the ring. She gave me a huge hug and said yes of course. Several tables started clapping. It was fun. After dinner I took her to see a band at a smaller venue. Then home. Sex was sweet that night ... and the next morning.

The baby is doing great. B is 5 months pregnant now and really starting to show. I think she is beautiful even if her butt has grown a bit. We are not sure what to name the baby. I like Riley but it is Irish and neither of us are Irish. B likes Cecilia, but I am not sure about it. B's family is from Argentina so a Hispanic name would fit. What ever name the baby ends up with she should be here October 1st. I am really excited. We have been buying a bunch of pink stuff for the baby!

I am moving in with B in the next month. I have already been packing. I think there may be some challenges B and I must cope with after I move in. The house really isn't big enough for all of my stuff. And it will be a huge change having my 2 kids and my 2 dogs trying to share the space with B and her daughter. B and I will make it through though. I am sure of it.

Jason, and Brandon, or whatever I was calling my kids, are doing great. They seem to be really well adjusted to all this stuff that happened. I haven't had any major issues with them in 6 months at least. They are excited to be moving to B's, and are excited to get a baby girl.

The wedding is set for June of 2009. We will be getting married near an amusement park in Ohio. There will be a bunch of kids at the wedding so we will have a fairly informal fun wedding and reception followed by a water park excursion that day. The next day everyone will explore the roller coaster park. Of course B tells me that if everyone is busy doing that stuff that we can escape to the room and explore each other. We are probably going to honeymoon in Belize. Some of the adventure honeymoons there look awesome!

I am still playing soccer every week. I am actually becoming a very good defender. My team doesn't like when I come off the field because the other team normally doesn't score while I am out there. I am also still mountain biking. Biking is fun! I haven't been running as much. Every time I do I get serious knee pain. In late June I am going to enter a duathalon with trail running and mountain biking. I've been training pretty hard to get ready for it.

My ex is being a complete bitch again. She is hostile about everything these days. I don't like seeing her or talking to her. For the most part I try to forget she exists. I need to get my stuff out of her house. I WANT MY TOOLS BACK! Divorcing her was the best thing I ever did for myself. I wonder sometimes why I waited so long. I really can't say that I wish I never married her. I wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't. My kids are awesome, B is awesome, and I am very happy.


Well I guess that sums up where I am today. I hope everyone out there in blog land gets there dreams fulfilled! Thank you for being there and supporting me.

... And finally go have some incredible sex tonight ... you deserve it!!!! (no excuses, you can have it with yourself if you have to!)

Rock On!

Mike

Here's Something I Didn't Know...

...you can reject another Match person without sending an e-mail or a form letter at all! Last night I saw that Match Girl III had been to my profile, and this morning under her picture on the "My Connections" page (where a collection of all the girls I'm interested in reside) it simply said "she's not interested" and then a clickie that said "Remove her". So I removed her.

*initiate coping mode*

...





...







...







Hmm.










I got nothin'






:-)

Back Onto The Bike

I found a profile on Match that knocked me over and I was compelled to send an e-mail. So here we go again. Everybody send your best thoughts my way for me and Match Girl III!

*Commencing Relax Mode*

Yesterday I got my 30 day prescription. My little orange CVS bottle sits above me in front of my Tazo tea boxes with its easy-to-read label, telling me that I take meds. And just in case I wasn't entirely sure, I have the last two weeks to prove it.

It leaves a strange metallic taste in my mouth in the mornings, but my days are filled with a whole lot less stress. I still walk among the living with the feeling that I am one of them. Last night I went to the karaoke bar and didn't hesitate one time before I went up the steps. There was absolutely no pulse of fear. Unfortunately, the bar crowd had not come yet and the place was empty. They priced me out of having a solo booth--now you have to have three people and the cost is like $20/hr. But I'm going to try again sometime when staying out late won't be tragic for my next morning's routine. I want to see if this new 'no fear Alan' still has the sense that God gave a goose. Or if it makes me not care at all that I make an ass of myself before total strangers.

Speaking of making an ass of myself, apparently the meds do not prevent me from assuming the worst when my friends go through periods of mysterious silences. Worst-Case Scenario Man has not been stopped by the meds. He just doesn't paralyze me as much as he used to. I'm still capable of worry. I just don't feel the worry in my gut anymore. And that's the part I like.

On Annoying Friends...

As an aside, I noticed that this title is a psych test. How many read it as "On The Friends That Annoy You..." and how many read it as "On Becoming Annoying To Your Friends..."

Unfortunately, I'm guilty of the latter. I've stated somewhere in the millions of words of my blog(s) that I would do almost anything, anything at all, to prevent folks from getting mad at me. I've mentioned how crumbly in the guts I go when I've garnered someone's disapproval. And how, when it comes to a relationship that I may one day be blessed to become one half of, if my partner were to blast me with something harsh, or a particularly biting critique, it would unseat me for a while. Unseat me as a partner, as an equal, and as a man. That's just how disgustingly fragile it seemed that I was. It made my concerns focus on the possibility that I couldn't be in a relationship at all.

Well, I thought I had made some headway in this area. I thought handling the rejection from Match Girl-I was a banner success. However, I realize now that Match Girl-I's rejection wasn't given as anything disapproving or harsh. There was no fight. So I could accept it. And in not being a fighter, I let her go, easily.

But I find that I'm still vulnerable to disapproval and rejection. I find it still feels like I've been turned over and all the worms and bugs have been uncovered, and everybody around me is reeling back in disgust and scorn.

So what happened was that I annoyed a friend. I went too far and pushed a boundary that I should not have done. So I got my hand slapped.

And that's it really. Nothing more dramatic than that (I hope), even though it feels like I've committed something much worse.

So the lesson I have to learn is that annoying someone is not the same thing as being declared as an eternal enemy, rejected forever, never to be appreciated or loved again. It's a lesson in direct contradiction with how I was raised, so it's a lesson that I have to continue to struggle with. Everyone is not my mother. People can get mad at me and still want me around.

I'll learn that.

Soon.

And that's all I'll say about that.

Am I Still Okay?

Today is the start of my higher dosage of the meds. Last week, I found that the days looked brighter. The sunny days were, like, REALLY sunny. Even the rainy days were bright, and the rain seemed like agents of change, washing the streets clean. (Having an umbrella helped.) I'm going to say that was because of the meds.

This weekend passed with a trip out to Westchester to hang with that crowd of D&D'ers, without the D&D. We just played a card game and riffed on each other throughout. Grim Jester showed us his feet again, repeatedly. I let the girl of the group touch me, which she usually threatens to do, but never does. I think she's reacting to the knowledge that I'm "dating" again. (I haven't told them all that I've stopped.)

I also got some more work done on the audio series, (for the readers who are concerned about it).

And I spent a little time out in the streets again, this time as someone who was not dating again anymore (as opposed to someone who "cannot/is terrified to" date). I was definitely not feeling as alien as I usually do. I didn't feel as though all the families and hand-holding couples, as well as the smoochers on the Number 1 train, were a part of some foreign tribe that I could never join. So that's a definite improvement that I think the meds are making.

What has not changed is the love I feel toward you guys who come by here and help me with encouragement. I do mean tears-stinging-the-eyes love. I've grown so needy in my old age, and every second you guys spend to bother writing me anything at all is like food. Dawn, Karma, & Sol--I'm putting this here instead of the comments of last post. And of course Scott, who feels like my big brother (by eight days), or my college roommate, or that guy that guys have who they can cry into the shoulder of when no one else is around. Thank you for caring about me, buddy.

But I ask myself the question, am I still okay. Well, I'm hanging in there. I have a better sense of well-being. I don't sense any romance in my life on the horizon, but I feel a lot less desperate about it. I'm not running back to Match, but my finances have taken a big hit from paying my deductable and rental fees while my car was being repaired. Plus, I want the full effect of the meds before I try again. And I'm not even that worried anymore about what my clients would think if they discovered just how unconnected I am to the experience of coupledom. I care what they think, but I'm not worried.

So in all, I'm still okay. And I still need every one of you. :-)

The Brush-Off

Yep. I got my walking papers from Match Girl-I. She said she had a good time on our dates but she wanted to keep meeting other people, then wished me luck on my search.

*initiate coping mode*

Honestly, she sent me the proper signs and made it apparent that, as quoted, "She's Just Not That Into Me." She would have contacted me far more than she did, otherwise. And, just as apparently, I was not as into her either, else I would have called her after this Sunday passed, and I hadn't.

Well, that's taken care of.

Dreams and giddy aspirations aside, I'm glad to take another break. This is where I'm more comfy. Maybe after I'm a month into the meds, I'll have the whatever it takes to try again.

Or maybe I won't.

Whatever.

I'll still be okay.

I'm okay now, in fact.